City Business Church

We've Moved

2006-02-01T06:32:00.000-08:00

We've Moved! Please update your link to: http://www.citybusinesschurch.org/blog/ which will take you to the site's new location. Many thanks!

It's like the Apocalypse... Only Better!

2006-01-31T07:43:00.000-08:00

Dear Readers: We are currently trying to re-locate our blog to a different, better domain. Anyway, it is taking us a little longer than anticipated to move the blog, so we may be down for the next couple days. Thus, I ask that you be patient, and let me leave you with a little song to help you with your day: "Have patience, have patience. Don't be in such a hurry. When you get impatient. You only start to worry. Remember, remember. That God is patient, too and think of all the times when others have to wait for you!” Thank you, Your City Business Blogging Team (Does anyone remember what album that patience song came from? It's been driving me crazy for the last 20 years.)

Me. Me. Me again. I am really close on this one.

2006-01-28T11:10:00.000-08:00

I listened to Frank's last sermon, and especially enjoyed the segment on "How to Get Married." Frank talks about a girl in the church who asked him to pray for her to find a husband. (Someone pointed out last year that Frank only talks to the pretty girls. I thought it was kind of a harsh thing to say, but then thought about it and was like, "True. True.") So here we have, what I am sure, is a very pretty girl asking Frank to pray for a husband for her. Frank tells her that he can't just pray for any husband, she needs to give him a description of what she wants. He specifies, "The height, the color of hair, the eyes, what he does for a living. I need to know this before I can pray for you." So she tells him and writes it all down on a piece of paper, which Frank keeps in his Bible and prays for every day. (Me giving a dubious look, thinking, "that's kind of odd, but whatever.") Anyway, I was wondering, don't you think that when Frank asked for a description of the guy, he was standing with his fingers crossed, crouched in anticipation hoping she would say, "Ummmm, well hmmm, I guess I kind of want an older man, someone in his 50's. If he had a bit of a lisp that'd be nice. Maybe a guy with salt and pepper hair. If he was the pastor of a large mega-church that would be good too." To which Frank is like, "Yes. I knew it." Hahahaha... ...ahhhh.... I kid. I kid. I'm only joking. Still it would be kind of funny. Also, just want to give everyone a heads up, but we're thinking of moving the blog to another domain name. A place that will allow us more control over the site and content. I hope to debut this sometimes next week. Have a great weekend.

Dooce

2006-01-27T07:25:00.000-08:00

Catalyst has a friend visiting from out of town this week, and thus Catalyst is dragging just a little bit this morning. He's not exactly his old perky self. (For some reason, I really enjoy writing in the "third" person). Anyway, there were a bunch of emails I was going to post this morning, but that's just going to have to wait until this headache wears off. So for now, let me share a blog I just recently found. It is called Dooce and is written by an ex-Mormon. The blog itself is pretty good, but her biography is fantastic. Here's a snippet: My parents raised me Mormon, and I grew up believing that the Mormon Church was true. In fact, I never had a cup of coffee until I was 23-years-old. I had pre-marital sex for the first time at age 22, but BY GOD I waited an extra year for the coffee. There had better be a special place in heaven for me. I attended BYU from 1993-1997 and graduated with a degree in English. I firmly believe that BYU is the most horrible place on Earth, worse even than Disneyland. The one skill I learned in college that serves me well now is not how to solve differential equations or how to write a paper deconstructing “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock,” it’s how to distrust organized religion. I am no longer a practicing Mormon or someone who believes that Rush Limbaugh speaks to God. My family is understandably disappointed. The more I distance myself from City Bible Church, the more I find I identify with ex-Mormons.

Latest Sermon

2006-01-26T08:52:00.000-08:00

Here's an anonymous comment about Frank's last sermon. ...pretty interesting... Sorry to interrupt, but I just finished listening to PF's latest sermon. I heard something that I never heard from him, he told the church to by a book on doctrine. I was thinking, nice change of pace, then he recommends only one book and you guessed it , it is Keven Conner's book on basic christian doctrine, and it is available at the bookstore. PF also to said to stop praying generalized prayers because God is to busy for them, they don't move angels, they don't inspire the Holy Spirit, and God has a hard time fulfilling them. I should mention, to be fair, that this was said in the context of praying specific prayers. 1Tim.2:1-2 "First of all, then, I urge that entreaties and prayers, petitions and thanksgivings, be made on behalf of all men, for kings and all who are in authority," ..... Sounds pretty general to me. I know that there are specific prayers in the word but general ones as well. PF as well wants people to be praying for the singles to get married, he does qualify this by saying you can be single and happy. But he wants you to pray for church congregation matchups. I guess marrying outside CBC is being unequally yoked. Finaly, and I could say more but gotta split, Frank wants you to remove certain words or phrases from your faith vocabulary, ready for this: I can't, if only, I don't have the time, maybe, I don't believe, I'm not sure, and my personal favorite....... I'm afraid. Thank you Frank but I'm not sure that that is biblical, if only you could show me that in scripture I would entertain it, I just don't believe that God would not want me to express my doubts to Him and be honest ie. " Lord I believe but help my unbelief." Maybe you didn't mean that but I'm afraid that it is what you said, maybe next time you could get into the bible for more than 5 minutes on a Sunday morning but I can't believe you can teach an old dog new tricks. :) Let me just say that I love praying for singles to get married. So allow me to link to a newspaper article in the Washington Post, and Reason #93 why Catalyst is still single: Making Marriage (Like) Work: Author says Men can Succeed by treating it like a Job. ...ummm, I've already got a job, and I'm not really looking to work a double shift...

Howard's Response

2006-01-25T05:23:00.000-08:00

Howard Rachinski commented on the blog disputing my claim that he hired an "investigator". I want to give him a chance to make his point. Dear Justin & JP, This is Howard Rachinski (really). It has come to my attention you have "informed" your fellow bloggers that I have hired an "investigator". In addition, a few of your bloggers apparently have found it a real delight to take some "shots" at me. How delightful...So...to set the record straight and to help all your fans from getting ulcers, I thought it best to "blog in"...First of all, I have not "hired a PI". In fact, I think that's totally hilarious!!! Whatever could you have been thinking of??? I feel rather sorry that you had to compromise your perspective by spreading such a blatant lie. So, for all those "Howard" haters out there...you are out of luck. I haven't done any such thing. And, Henri, you should know better than that!!! Secondly, to help pacify all those cries of outrage for that "hideous relative connection", my wife's father and Donna Lasit's grandmother are "brother & sister". Oh perish the thought... I can't imagine what all your "outcriers" will do when they discover that we are all related...to Noah...to Adam...Please don't have a heart attack. Thirdly, dear JiminyCricket, ficm, and other "anonymous" contributors, please don't lose any more sleep over my clothes, my hair or my choral conducting. Did that make you really feel better to "diss" me or CCLI? You don't even know me. You don't even know my company. You don't even know how many homes and families we have helped. But, I guess you must have really felt better, huh??? Finally, Justin and JP. I'm surprised. I was one of your "supporters" through Temple Christian, through basketball - giving you encouragement where possible. I'm surprised...because you could help cultivate positive changes...you could make a difference...you could help...So...I'll keep encouraging you to do so...If you, JP or any of your other "contributors" want to talk...let me know...But, please, don't stoop to the lowest possible level of irascibility.You guys are so much better than that!!! The person Howard hired may not have been a "private investigator", but I stand by claim that Howard hired someone to research and investigate JP and I. Also, I've got nothing against Howard Rachinski. I don't really know him. I did play basketball with his son and he was a pretty cool guy. Update 1/24: To thank Howard for offering his opinion, I would like to give his company Songtouch a plug. Last year, when someone told me Howard was starting an online music company for Christian Artists, I remember thinking, "Genius! Why didn't I think of that." There's a reason Howard is successful and it isn't his fancy coat-of-many-colors suit.

Burnside Writers

2006-01-24T06:05:00.000-08:00

I recently received a nice email from Jordan Green a writer for The Burnside Writer's Collective. From what I gather, this is a group of Christian writers, who each contribute articles to the website. In perusing their site, two things stood out as most impressive. First, Don Miller's College Bowl picks. He went 7-1, picking Oklahoma over Oregon and Texas over USC. If this writing thing doesn't work out for him, he should move to Vegas and invest his savings in choosing College Bowl winners. (Honestly Jordan, who is Don picking for the Superbowl? Also ask him if I can sneak a peak at his March Madness Bracket. I want a new Ipod, and with Don's inside knowledge, a win is guaranteed.) A second thing that impressed me was Jordan's top 10 albums of 2005, which included Clap Your Hands Say Yeah and Illinois. Sufjan Steven's Illinois was the Album of the Year and his song Chicago was the Song of the Year, in my opinion. I would also like to add that Donald Miller's new book about to be released is To Own a Dragon. Go out and buy the book, if for no other reason than it would be nice to see a Christian author sell more books then Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins. (Side note: I grew up reading the Dallas O'Neil and Baker Street Sports Club series by Jerry B. Jenkins. I loved them. He just went a little crazy with this whole apocalypse thing.) Lastly, this blog is blowing up with comments, and I just want to thank everyone who reads the posts and shares their thoughts. Your comments are what make tbis blog interesting, thank you.

Testify

2006-01-22T14:16:00.000-08:00

Former Bible Temple member R.B. shares her story: I wanted to tell my story...I was a member of Bible Temple from when I was 1 week old until I was 16. We were considered outstanding members until my dad left when I was 13. My mom was ostracized by the elders and congregation for being a fallen woman. My mom finally packed us up and left town, humiliated by BT...we were basically kicked out. No one cared we were leaving. I had gone to TCHS until my the middle of my 10th grade year...I was unprepared for the public school I had to go to until graduation so I didn't fit in. I had been brainwashed for so many years that I married the first guy I kissed because he kissed me, and I barely knew him but I felt so guilty. Turns out he was an illegal alien and I was his prisoner and domestic violence victim for 11 years before I fled and was in shelters for abused women. Do I blame Bible Temple? Absolutely...there is no doubt that is the reason for everything that happened to me. I forgave them all...and contacted my classmates there to tell them I thought about them. Once they found out I too was a fallen woman, I never heard from them again. I am still a Christian but I'm glad I joined the world of real people because now I see what they are truly missing and am closer to God for it. Thanks for listening...

Question

2006-01-20T05:50:00.000-08:00

We've been dancing around this question for over a year now, so I'm just going to come out and ask it. Did Dick Iverson make a mistake in choosing Frank Damazio to pastor Bible Temple? FWIW, I think he did.

My American Idol is Jesus

2006-01-19T08:42:00.000-08:00

We'll get back to bashing City Bible tomorrow, but it has been getting kind of heavy here lately, and I just want to try to lighten the mood. While I enjoy writing the blog, it kind of limits me to religious posts, when I could easily spend five days a week writing just about TV. My secret: I love TV. I could delve into the strategy behind voting off the cutest chicks on Survivor (I don't get it). Or why Lorelei and Rory are the hottest Mom-Daughter combo in TV history, why Real World/Road Rules: The Gauntlet is the best and worst reason to be on Reality TV (it turns you into an extremely entertaining idiot), and why the greatest interview of all time would be Stephen Colbert interviewing Jon Stewart on the Colbert Report. But I don't get to talk about that, I get to talk about how Doug Lasit is tangentially related to Howard Rachinski. (Me Screaming: Who Cares!!!) This is all to say, I love American Idol. Well. I love the first part of the show, I lose interest when the competition actually begins. Simon has been on a roll, and I am continually amazed at the delusional folks they get to try out: The tan girl was the best. However, of all my favorite contestants on the show, the best has been Jon Peter Lewis from AI 3. So for this weeks shameless plug, JPL has a new single out "Stories from Hollywood". It's actually really good and I've been listening to it all day. You can download it for free here. (it's okay; it's legal) I hope you enjoy the song, and we can get back to debating tithing 10% versus giving out of joy, tomorrow.

Donald Miller

2006-01-18T05:55:00.000-08:00

Donald Miller, author of Blue Like Jazz, got some love from the Oregonian this Sunday. (Thanks to Karli for sending this to me.) The article has this quote from Mr. Miller: "I was a fundamentalist Christian once. It lasted a summer." Don's got a new book out called Searching for God Knows What? I haven't read the book, but I have heard that he bashes the evangelical community for buddying up with the Republican Party. It is supposed to be better than Blue Like Jazz. Sounds interesting.

Let’s talk about war and killing.

2006-01-18T05:46:00.000-08:00

Guest Blogger and Vietnam War Veteran, Larry Taylor, offers another view on war: Justin made a number of valid points on the recent killing of, presumably innocent, people. Even if they were aiding and abetting our most heinous enemies, it is fundamentally wrong to kill civilians if it can be avoided. In this case, it did seem to be an egregious act that should be condemned by our representative officials and answered by a formal apology with reparations for the surviving victims. Still, I don’t have all the facts. I also agree that God cares for these Muslims. The Incarnation is proof, for Christ “…came into the world to save sinners.” God cares when the “least” of us suffer under the rubric of “just causes.” I cannot imagine God participating in unjust wars. Certainly, Vietnam, and perhaps Iraq, falls into the category of unjust wars. I wasn’t a Christian when I went off to war as a young man. I believe I convinced my son not to enter the service because I know firsthand that war scars forever. Still, no matter how hard I try, I cannot be a pacifist. The dark side of cheap anti-war rhetoric is that war “happens” even when we decide to do nothing. Bonnhoeffer settled his dilemma by deciding to stop a monster from destroying more innocent people. Imagine the guilt of the polish citizens, who quietly minded their own businesses while trainloads of Jews were unloading next door at the death camp! Peaceful protests could not have dismantled the Nazi machine. There is a time to act and a time to refrain. It is just that it is so hard to know when and how to curb evil without becoming part of the problem. Personally, I am praying about our military’s decisions and the victims of this man-made disaster. -LT

They Matter to God

2006-01-17T05:38:00.000-08:00

I get a lot of grief on this blog for being too negative. Yet... today I have something positive to say. This past Sunday I "experienced" one of the greatest church services of my life. It was the 12:30 mass at St. Augustine Catholic Church in Northwest, Washington DC. The choir was beautiful and strikingly similar to the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir. There was an energy and sincerity in the music that I have not witnessed in a long time. It wasn't a show. It wasn't hype. It was genuine praise. Then Pastor Pat gave his message. Being the Sunday before Martin Luther King Jr's. birthday, Pastor Pat quoted Martin Luther King Jr. He chose MLK's speech against the Vietnam War: Somehow this madness must cease. We must stop now. I speak as a child of God and brother to the suffering poor of Vietnam. I speak for those whose land is being laid waste, whose homes are being destroyed, whose culture is being subverted. I speak for the poor of America who are paying the double price of smashed hopes at home and death and corruption in Vietnam. I speak as a citizen of the world, for the world as it stands aghast at the path we have taken. I speak as an American to the leaders of my own nation. The great initiative in this war is ours. The initiative to stop it must be ours. Father Pat then went on to discuss America's involvement in the War on Terror. Last Friday, the US led an airstrike on a small home in Pakistan. The US was trying to kill a key terrorist. Unfortunately we missed the terrorist and instead killed 17 innocent Pakistanis, including women and children. In the darkness of night, we murdered 17 people. And how does the US respond: "We apologize, but I can't tell you that we wouldn't do the same thing again," Senator John McCain. Father Pat ended with this statement, "Those Pakistani's who died. They may not matter to the US Government. They may not matter to you. But they matter to God. God values all life, and those Pakistani's matter to God." And he's right. They matter to God.

Because I don't have a topic

2006-01-13T06:09:00.000-08:00

I long ago realized that the primary reason people visit this blog is for gossip about City Bible Church. And frankly, there is nothing I love more than spreading a story or two. On my list of alternative careers, gossip columnist is in the top 5. That said, I do not really have much current gossip to share. Word on the street is that the Asplunds will be leaving the church shortly, but I have been hearing that for years. And frankly, at some point you have to admire their determination. This Father and Son team are solid Christians, and they refuse to bail on a church that has bailed on the Bible and Jesus. I kind of hope they stick it out. There is one little interesting tidbit of info that I recently learned. In the weeks this blog first started, a leader in the church hired a private investigator to find out everything they could about JP and I. Here's the kicker... ...they reportedly paid the person $100 an hour. As you can imagine, I was furious when I heard this. A hundred dollars an hour! I would have gladly told them anything they wanted to know about JP for half that price. And if they had just placed a call to Jonathan Morton (our 12 year old brother) he would have happily told them every dirty little secret for free. And, more than likely, he would have thrown in some extra info about Joel and Jesse, just as a bonus. I just thought this was interesting. We call them out for running their church like a business and they hire a private invesigator. Love It!

And there are still others out there.

2006-01-11T05:54:00.000-08:00

Here's another great comment from, you guessed it, anonymous: I was crying tonight feeling hopeless, when I found your site. Although I think a lot of the humor and comments push things a little bit too far, I definitely relate to the disillusionment. For me, PBC and BT were good experiences, although since I attended in the 80's, a bit too much of a fashion parade. The main concern I had and have is how often we were hyped up about our destiny. I'm from the X'er generation, and I felt like our generation got passed over for the younger set. Eric Knox not being given the youth after Bob MacGregor was reassigned is a perfect example. I agree with the poster who said that only the elder's kids really had "destiny." But, for me the real difficuluty was being in an MFI church for 10 years.It DEVESTATED me. The cult-like symptoms were 10x what it was like at BT. I really believed all of the covering and submission stuff, and geez, I can't even begin to tell my story. What I can say is toward the end, the pastor's wife got mad at me (for going to see her off at the airport) and refused to speak to me for 6 months, while her husband preached about not letting the sun go down on your anger. I'm worked through my anger and bitterness, and am attending 2 local churches but stay the hell away from leadership, and feel very purposeless and destiny-less. Just knowing that other people out there have gone through similar things helps a lot. This is the main reason why I refuse to delete this blog. Comments like this. Anyway, my advice to this commenter: Start drinking heavily! hahaha... ...ahhh, I'm so funny. No, just kidding. Actually, I think you're probably doing the right thing, going to church, avoiding leadership. And trust me, feeling purposeless and destiny-less is something all people feel. It's called "being human". Some people don't find their destiny until they are 40, 50, 60. It doesn't make their lives any less important. So just keep trudging along. And if you get depressed and start feeling down, slip in the movie Wedding Crashers, it perks me up everytime.

You all get a free pass

2006-01-10T05:56:00.000-08:00

The word making the rounds in the blogosphere is that it is now illegal to "annoy" someone anonymously online. On Thursday, President Bush signed a bill into law that makes it illegal to post anonymous messages online that annoy another person. This includes blogs and their comments. And of course, this scares me to death. Because as any long time reader knows, "anonymous" is our most frequent commenter. And if there is anything "anonymous" does really well, it is annoy. But I love anonymous. She/he makes me laugh every day, even when it is Doug's wife. So to clear up any confusion and ensure another year of ridiculous comments, I have this to say to my readers: By clicking on the comment section below, you promise not to be annoyed. No matter how many verses are quoted out of context. No matter how many times "the Bride of Christ" is referenced. No matter how many times you are told you are going to hell. You can not be annoyed. You can be entertained or amused, but not annoyed. Great. That should cover it. Bring 'em on Anon.

2006 Bloggies

2006-01-06T13:46:00.000-08:00

This is shameless. But I think it might be worth a shot. The 2006 Bloggies are upon us, and the powers that be are offering awards for the best blogs of 2005. On a lark, I went through the list of categories and nominated my favorite blogs, including: Jack Bog's Blog, Go Fug Yourself, Daily Dish and Undecided Resident. However, for one of the categories I nominated this blog. And that category was "Best Tag Line". Now this is a national award, and I don't think our little blog has a chance. But how great would it be if the winning tagline for the 2006 bloggies was, It is not by grace that one enters the kingdom of heaven, but by tithing. - Damazio 3:16. It makes me smile just thinking about it. So if you have a second, visit here, nominate some of the blogs you read, and nominate us for "Best Tag Line." One can dream.

More Pat

2006-01-06T08:35:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite Washington Post reporters, Dana Milbank, held an online chat today. In his lead, Milbank discusses the Pat Robertson issue. I thought his intro was pretty funny: It's been a rough week. President Bush returned early from his New Year's break in hopes of getting 2006 off to a better start with talk about the economy and national security. Instead, Jack Abramoff pleaded guilty in Washington and Florida and will have to pay more than $25 million and spend a decade in the pokey -- even after he helps bring down various congressmen. Ariel Sharon suffered a stroke and is near death. And, after one of the bloodiest weeks in Iraq, the former U.S. commander there, Ricardo Sanchez, says "the country is on the verge of a civil war." But thank God for this: We have Pat Robertson. In addition to his helpful remarks yesterday about Sharon, he started the year off by having a conversation with a highly placed source: The Lord. "Here is what I believe the Lord said," Robertson said on the 700 Club Tuesday, reading from a yellow legal pad on which God allowed him to take notes. "The fall elections will be inconclusive but the outcome of the war and the success of the economy will lead the Republicans in charge but it's going to be inconclusive in this year. But I do believe the president is going to strengthen and that alitos going to get confirmed. I believe another liberal judge is going to retire, step down from the court. We'll have another opening there and the war in Iraq is going to come to a successful conclusion and we'll begin withdrawing troops before the end of this year." Robertson's exclusive with God was a helluva scoop, so to speak, beating both Brit Hume and Tim Russert to the highly desired interview. But, as it happens, the Lord is loosening up some of His message discipline in recent days and is granting a surprising number of interviews. In fact, I have Him on the line right now and He has agreed to answer your questions today, speaking through me. He asks only that you keep your questions civil, so He is not forced to smite any of you.

There's sin in the camp

2006-01-05T11:30:00.000-08:00

In the Bible, why isn't "purports to speak for God" considered a sin? Our favorite reverend is at it again. Update: Here's a link to video of Pat Robertson's speech. (Hat tip: Talking Points Memo) Also, a real quick point here: Just in case Pat wasn't aware. But ummm, God loves Muslims too. He really does.

Happy New Year

2006-01-04T06:55:00.000-08:00

I love how no one takes JP and I seriously. We say we're quitting the blog, and everyone laughs and thinks "Yeah, whatever." Nevertheless, my good blogging buddy Chris Snethen is asking for a return, and some of the commenters want more. Thus, while I am enjoying this break, I am also definitely planning on coming back. Though, it will probably be more limited, since I truly enjoy not thinking about City Bible all the time. However, I also really enjoy people's comments, and the fun I have writing everything. Blogging can feel like a job sometimes, but there are also times it can be a blast. So I'll be back. But I need a little longer to just chill and not have to think about poking fun at CBC. In the meantime, here's a quick link for you to have fun with. The City Church in Seattle is planning a church plant on Capitol Hill in Washington DC. If you want a good laugh, read the confirmation section. It's a list of prophecies telling the City Church to move to DC. Good times...

Love It!

2005-12-13T06:19:00.000-08:00

I recognize that JP and I have quit this blog like 50 times. So, while I'd like to say this is the last. Who knows? But I kind of have a "live and let live" mentality. And while I disagree with what City Bible preaches, a lot people really like it. So part of me feels like, "Fine, whatever, I've said my piece. I should probably move on... " Of course, before I move on completely, I would like to entertain you with what will most likely be our last Christmas song. I have also been instructed to let people know that this song was written entirely by Joel Morton. Jesse Morton had nothing to do with it. (I guess the Lennon/McCartney of City Business Church are breaking up.) So for your listening pleasure, I give you Frankie the Titheman (As sung to the tune "Frosty the Snowman") Franky the titheman was a money collecting soul With simulcast and a grande chai and two eyes made out of dough Frankie the titheman is a great pastor they say He was made of dough but the pastors know how he came to preach one day There must have been some money in that old gold hat they found For when they placed it on his head he began to shake that bucket around Oooooh tiiiitttthhhe Frankie the titheman was alive as he could be And the pastors say he could tithe and pay just the same as you and me clinkety clink clink Clinkety clink clink Look at Frankie go clinkety clink clink Clinkety clink clink into the bucket it goes

WHAT A WAY TO GO

2005-12-10T16:18:00.000-08:00

I am a superstitious man. It’s true. This blog is supposed to end this weekend. Sunday marks the one year anniversary of when we started counting traffic to our site. Over 80,000 hits, in one year…that’s impressive. The problem is that I’m enjoying the blog again. We’ve got new readers…new comments…new people telling us we’re bitter. How can I give this up now??? Well, I’ll tell you. Last night when I went to drive home from work, my car wouldn’t start. Ok, all you closet CBC readers, have your laugh. Go running out of the Generation Ministry offices and give each other high fives. The Pope’s car won’t start…isn’t God good (all the time). I called Justin; told him my car wouldn’t start and that I was ending the blog. He agreed. Fortunately, it was just a dead battery; I got a jump and went home. On the way home I had to question my rash decision to end the blog, after all, it was just a dead battery. Nothing serious. Regardless, I’ve decided… when it’s time, it’s time. I am done participating in this blog. You don’t believe me? Well… I’m not going to explain this blog again. I’m not going to say why I blog. I’m not going to try to defend what this blog has done. All I am going to say is…. 82,800 hits…and counting 1 article written in the Pulitzer Prize winning Willamette Week 1 threatened lawsuit 1 million laughs…and counting I can’t think of any better way to end this then by posting the #1 blog of the year…it’s actually 2 blogs…both of them Christmas songs…both of them hilarious… both of them written by Jesse and Joel Morton. Congratulations boys…Merry Frankmas. Catalyst got run over by a Lasit Catalyst got run over by a Lasit Walking home from blogging Christmas eve. You can say there's no such thing as Dougie, But as for Joel and Jesse, we believe. He’d been drinkin' way too much egg nog, And we'd begged him not to go. But he'd left his medication, So he stumbled out the door into the snow. When they found him Christmas mornin', At the scene of the attack. There were hoof prints on his forehead, And incriminatin' dollar marks on his back. Catalyst got run over by a Lasit, Walkin' home from blogging Christmas eve. You can say there's no such thing as Dougie, But as for Joel and Jesse, we believe. DOUGIE THE BROWN NOSED PASTOR (Sung to the tune of Rudolph the Rednose Reindeer.) You know Scheidler and Mishler and Estes and Louman, Jaimeson and Rachinski and Joneses and Nashif, But do you recall, The most famous pastor of all? Dougie, the brown-nosed pastor Had a very dirty nose. And if you ever saw itYou would even say it shows. All of the other pastors Used to laugh and call him names They never let poor Dougie join in any pastor games. Then one foggy Faith Harvest Damazio came to say, "Dougie with your nose so brown, Won't you guide my lexus home"? Then how the pastors loved him And they shouted out with glee, "Dougie the brown-nosed pastor, You'll go down in history"!

And now for something completely the same

2005-12-09T15:48:00.000-08:00

I think this blog has started to get a little “heavy”. I’d like to try and lighten things up by posting an old favorite. ILOVETRUTH, this is for you: Tuesday, February 08, 2005 They Will Be Mocked Disclaimer:The following post is 100% pure sarcasm and it contains absolutely no redeeming value whatsoever. If sarcastic humor offends you, please stop reading now. I have decided to make it a little easier for us all. Instead of spending hours in church learning the exact same thing week after week, I will now publish the 5 simple steps to receive blessings from God. (I may follow up with the book titled “5 Simples Steps to Receive Blessings from God”) 1. When your church begins to announce the offering start to pray for things that you need (want). 2. As you drop your tithe into the bucket say out loud “Lord in return for my gift I expect to receive _______” (fill in the blank with the things you need [want]) 3. After dropping your tithe into the bucket take your hands and form a funnel* above your head. This way it will be easier for God to pour out his blessing on your life. 4. Once the blessing is confirmed immediately start your clap offering**. 5. Repeat *Have you ever had someone ask you to make a funnel above your head to receive blessings from God? I have, but I don’t get it. Is God getting old? Does he have a case of the shakes? He really needs a funnel? Here is how I see this going: God: I will now pour out my blessings on Johnpaul JP: Thanks God, I’ll help out by making a funnel with my hands. God: Good idea son. Here we go. Whoops, looks like I poured a bit too much. JP: Come on God, now I’ve got blessing all over my face; didn’t you see the funnel. Next time I’m asking for the Holy Ghost. Is the funnel really necessary? I think I am going to take drift wood and spell the word BLESSING in case God happens to fly by my house. That way He will know exactly where to drop off that check for “millions maybe even billions of dollars”***. **See Clap, clap, clap, clap from Feb 5th, 2005 ***See The Jesus Sweepstakes from Feb 4th, 2005

Has Marc lost his Mojo?

2005-12-09T09:32:00.000-08:00

I received several emails and comments about Marc Estes's last sermon. And while I listened to it, I found it rather dull and fell asleep. However a couple of our reader's actually paid attention to what Marc said. And as usual, they have some insight: Non Dude writes: Sorry to interupt but Mark Estes sunday sermon was, get this, "Has the Grinch Stolen Your Christmas". First of four Christmas sermons, the next three PF will "preach". The grinch was spotted on Rocky Butte and has apparantly stolen a "mega" churches christmas. I did not know that Estes could do a Howard Dean impersonation 9min 45sec. citybiblechurch.org -media link. I learned that the twelve days of christmas song is coded with christian truth ( Jesus is the partridge in the pear tree ? what?) and candy canes were early christian tracts, wow? there was some good stuff about what Jesus has done , but at the end everyone stood up and read these grinchville (ie blogsite) stompers, declarations of faith about how THEY CHOOSE to be better christmas christians. nice, tis the season to be happy. Anna writes: This decision not to have church is just another symptom of the CBC image. The image is: white people with lots of money -- that's why the sermon Sunday was about pausing during all the activities and shopping to remember the true meaning of Christmas. It was so nicely culturally relevant with the film clip of the Grinch and all. All of us rich white people felt truly admonished. The image is: white people with happy families opening Christmas presents around the tree, carols in the background, turkey in the oven, eggnog in the fridge. Since that is the image, it would be a shame to spoil it by having to go to church. Never mind that there are lonely people with no family. Never mind that there are many older people and ethnic cultures who celebrate Christmas Day by worshipping in church, no matter what day it falls on. The image continues: Church must be a production -- lights, cameras, flash and plasma screens! It wouldn't be the proper image to have a small quiet service with a piano and a guitar, a short sermon and a prayer. No children's ministry necessary, just keep the kids with you since it's a short remembrance of Jesus. That kind of thing would just not be church, now would it? I know they would protest that the big production is the week before Christmas. But aren't they just contradicting their own message of laying aside the "Christmas frenzy" to remember the simplicity of the Gospel? The NYT picked up on Anna's theme. Here's their article from today's newspaper.

When Christmas falls on Sunday, Mega churches take the day off.

Best Quote:

"What about the people in society without strong family connections? The elderly, single people a long distance from family, or people who are simply lonely and for whom church and prayers would be a significant part of their day?"

Full Circle

2005-12-08T10:08:00.000-08:00

Today's Oregonian includes a wrapup of all Portland girls basketball teams. Here's what they say about City Christian. Class 2A/1A schools City Christian Coach Dan Malmin calls junior Tajai King "probably the best guard in the state." King heads a City Christian (17-6, 11-3 1A Casco League) team that also returns standout guards Autumn Tarter and Susanna Gill. JP and I got our blogging start, writing about the City Christian girls basketball team on Oregonlive's Basketball Forums. We used to spend hours ripping on Tim Nashif when he was coach of City Christian. It was great fun, and at one point Tim called my mother to ask her to stop me from writing about him online. At that time, I was traveling through China, and my mom was like, "Tim, Justin's in China, he's not writing about you online, so relax." Unfortunately for my mom (and Tim I guess), internet cafe's were taking off in China. And I was in fact spending a couple of hours a day, working on things to write about Tim, all from a tiny province in Shanghia.... ahhhh.... good times... good times... Anyway, JP and I like Dan Malmin. So good luck Dan. I hope your girls do well this year.

Rematch

2005-12-07T15:35:00.000-08:00

This should have been in the top ten, I believe that it is by sheer oversight that it did not make it. Enjoy: Tuesday, January 04, 2005 City Bible Church vs.The Dreamcenter Recently an ex-City Business member asked me, "Which do you think is better, City Bible Church or the Dreamcenter?" Like a typical heathen I responded, "What the hell is the Dreamcenter? Is it a mattress store? Because if you're looking for a good place to sleep, the City Bible pews are not the place; trust me I've been trying to sleep there for years." But no, I was told, the Dreamcenter is not a mattress store, it is in fact a large Mega-Church in the heart of Los Angeles. A church, huh. Immediately I was intrigued... A battle of the churches. Now that could be fun. And in pondering this great mystery, I realized that here was a question only a blogger could answer. Thus, for this next post, I am going to compare the many similar aspects of CBC and the Dreamcenter, and then pronounce a winner. Should be fun. Let's break it down: Dr. Jack style. Church Name: The most important feature of a church is the name. And although I find the name "Dreamcenter" eerily similar to many amusement parks in California, I have to give the Barnetts credit for coming up with something unique. At least they didn't jump on the "city" bandwagon. Note to churches, just putting the name "city" in your church name, doesn't necessarily make you hip and cool. Edge: Dreamcenter Play: I was reviewing the Dreamcenter website and I noticed they recently staged a lavish Christmas production. I believe the play involved a group of overly happy "toy dolls" becoming sad because their friend "toy soldier" was sinning. This was followed by a dramatic confession by the soldier and a subsequent happy toy dance. A rather unoriginal production, if you ask me. And in fact, the only play that might be worse than a "Happy Toy Christmas Production" is a play in which the audience is reminded repeatedly they are going to straight to hell. A play, I am pretty sure Jesus would walk out of. Again... Edge: Dreamcenter Pastoral Humor: Due to the wonders of technology, I recently had the pleasure of listening to a sermon by Tommy Barnett. And I have to be honest, three minutes into his speech, I thought I had found the most unfunny person in the world. Honestly, Worst. Jokes. Ever. The only thing worse than tithing jokes, are jokes about how your wife is not subservient anymore. If City Bible Church is trapped in the 90's, then the Dreamcenter is trapped in the 50's. Someone has to introduce these mega-churches to the new millennium.Thus, while Frank Damazio is no Chris Rock, I've got to say, compared to Mr. Barnett he could perform Live at the Apollo. Edge: City Bible Church Message on Giving: It is commonly understood that you can not be a megachurch unless you repeatedly hound your congregation for all their money. And, as we have discussed before, City Business is the absolute best at giving this message. As they should be, they've had 10 years of practice.However, in the interest of fairness, I listened to young Tommy to see what he had to offer.Well folks, he may be no Damazio 3:16, but this little soldier gave everything he had. He left it all on the court. He told his church that God would not perform a miracle in their life unless they gave as much money as possible. (Honestly, listen to the sermon).And so, right there staring at my computer, without even thinking, I stood up and gave little Tommy a standing ovation. It was no "putting a cap on God." But is was a phenomenal performance nonetheless. Edge: City Bible (though this was a close one) PROJECTED WINNER IN HEAD-TO-HEAD MATCHUP: Did I also mention that the Dreamcenter has over 30,000 congregants, and their campus is a mere 20 minutes from where Linsdey Lohan lives? Hmmm, I guess I didn't. Well, whatever...Winner: Dreamcenter

We are not alone

2005-12-07T09:57:00.000-08:00

It’s good to see that we are not alone and it’s a shame to see that they are not alone. Apparently, there are many mega churches out there that are not holding services on Xmas. Check out this article from USA Today: http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2005-12-06-christmas-churches_x.htm Here is a quote from the article: This is a consumer mentality at work: 'Let's not impose the church on people. Let's not make church in any way inconvenient,'" said David Wells, professor of history and systematic theology at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, a leading evangelical school in Hamilton, Mass. "I think what this does is feed into the individualism that is found throughout American culture, where everyone does their own thing."

Here's Another

2005-12-06T17:09:00.000-08:00

Here is another "Honorable Mention". This one is not funny, but was quite controversial at the time of it's original writing. (It is kinda funny) I have edited it down to the basics. JESUS TODAY (in a post Measure 36 world) John 8:1-11 (NIV) But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. [2] At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. [3] The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group [4] and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. [5] In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" [6] They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. [7] When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." [8] Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.[9] At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. [10] Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"[11] "No one, sir," she said."Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin." I would like to translate this into a modern day story. Lets pretend that Jesus was here on earth living with us today and he was faced with another sexual sin. But Jesus went to the Butte of Rocky. At dawn he appeared again in the former temple where all the people gathered around him, and He sat down to teach them. Then the pastors and elders brought to Him a man caught in homosexuality. They made him stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this man was caught in the act of homosexuality and would like to marry his sinful partner. Now Measure 36 has been designed to keep this man from redefining marriage.” “Will you vote yes on Measure 36?” They were using this question for political gain, in order to pass the measure.But Jesus bent down and started to write on the new and updated carpet. When they kept on questioning Him, He straightened up and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him vote yes first.” And again He stooped down and wrote on the carpet. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the man still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked him, “Man, where are they? Has no one voted against you?” “No one, sir” he said. “Then neither do I vote against you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.” It is important to note that when Jesus was confronted with this sinner, he did not condemn her, but he also did not condone the sin. He said "Then neither do I condemn you, go now and leave your life of sin." This is grace in its truest form. Here was a woman who was caught in a sinful and immoral act. According to the law she should have been stoned. Her death would have been justified, however Jesus bestowed His grace upon her life. The problem that I see with today’s church is that they have flipped Christ’s example around. Jesus spent his time on earth rebuking the church and loving sinners. Today’s church spends it’s time rebuking sinners and loving itself...

Honorable Mention

2005-12-06T13:44:00.000-08:00

Before we post the #1 blog of all time and wrap this blog up…we wanted to give you a couple of honorable mentions: Over the next few days, I will put up some of my favorite posts that just didn’t quite make the Top Ten list. Starting us off is AND NOW I HAVE A POST from Feb 3rd 2005. AND NOW I HAVE A POST My brother emailed me today trying to get me to post something. I responded saying I didn't want this blog to feel like a job, and I was quite comfortable going a day without posting anything.To which he emailed back: Where has the fire gone? This is no job, this is a mission, a call from God.The Lord would say to you this day,"For a time will come-a, when you will be faced with a great calling-a. Your burden will be heavy-a and time will be short-a. I will be your rock-a, I will create a hedge of protection around you-a. Step into the river-a, wade into the river-a, take off your clothes and do a cannonball into the river-a." Thus sayeth the Lord.

#2 Shall We Sing

2005-12-02T08:33:00.000-08:00

This is the one that started them all. Our first City Business Christmas post is also the second greatest post of the year. A special thank you goes out to Finally Home for his work on this piece. Special Edition Holiday CD!!! Ladies and Gentlemen, I am proud to present you with the first of what I am sure will be a long tradition of Christmas albums designed by City Business. Each CD comes with a pledge card you can use for your extra holiday tithing. And don’t forget there is still time for that extra Christmas blessing. Immerse yourself in the true meaning of the holidays with these wonderful songs of merriment. 1. Little Tither Boy 2. O Holy Tithe 3. God Rest Ye Merry Businessmen 4. O Come All Ye Faithful Givers 5. What Tithe Is This? 6. It Was Simulcast Upon A Midnight Clear 7. Tithers We Have Heard On High 8. Joy To The West Side 9. I’ll Be Home For Faith Harvest 10. I Saw Three Checks Come Mailing In 11. Rockin Around The Tithe Bowl For a nominal fee the sheet music to Here Comes Satan Clause can be yours. Now, there is no need to drive a stake in your yard or anoint your doorways with oil from the Holy Land. If you want protection from Satan Claus simply purchase our CD for $20 and play it where ever you go. In case you are not familiar with this holiday classic, we have provided the lyrics for the first verse absolutely free. Here Comes Satan Clause. Here Comes Satan Clause. Right Down Satan Clause Lane. If You’re Not Quick And Tithe Your Money It’ll All Go Down The Drain. It’s Your Fault. You Put A Cap On God. Your Blessing’s Out Of Sight. So Get Your Checks In. Don’t Question Us. This Time, We Know We’re Right. So don’t delay. You can purchase your holiday CD in the City Business Gift Shop. They are located between the Louis Vuitton Bible Covers and the Limited Edition City Business Starbucks Coffee Mugs.

Happy Birthday to Us

2005-12-01T07:53:00.000-08:00

Some of you may think of December 1 as the day Bette Middler entered the world and changed our lives forever through song and dance. Or you may remember to pin a pink flower to your lapel in Honor of AIDS, as today is World AIDS day. However, here at City Business, today is the day we took every silly thought we had about that large breasted church on the hill, and laid them out for the world to see. And in honor of this momentous occasion we are going to try and quantify exactly what one year means to this blog: Number of Entries: 137 Number of times we have cursed: 24 Number of entries featuring the Lasit Family: 14 Number of allusions to Seinfeld: 55 Number of anonymous comments that ridiculued us: 79 Number of times we have been called "bitter": 1 bajillion Number of people who did not get that we were trying to help Doug and Donna's marriage: 2,934 Number of City Bible pastor's who read this blog religiously: 24 Number of times we have used the word "tithe": 610 Number of times we lied about pastor's reading this blog: 1 Thanks to everyone who reads and comments on this blog. You make my life fun. Thank you. (With apologies to those lovely ladies at Go Fug Yourself: Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.)

Pedestal

2005-12-01T07:50:00.000-08:00

Here's an interesting blog from Bob Hyatt. (Hat Tip: Jesse Morton) The era of the pastor on the pedestal is over. Not that we shouldn't respect our pastors, but too many of us grew up being allowed to think that the pastor was a cut above, on a super-spiritual plane that we should aspire to, but probably would never reach short of becoming pastors ourselves (or missionaries... missionaries were even better in some cases). The problem is that pastors are only human and the first time they show that, those who enjoy the pastor-on-the-pedestal are left feeling hurt and betrayed. Better to let people know up front -I'm just like you. I struggle with self-doubt, with identity and motivation issues just like everyone. I struggle with sin. I get angry. I'm selfish too much of the time. Sometimes I don't want to spend time with God. I hate the fact that my hair is deserting me, but my stomach seems to be hitting a growth period. But in the midst of all that God shows me grace and forgiveness, God is my center and my ground.- It's possible to live this life and not be swept away, not be pulled under. And it doesn't happen because you reach a level of spiritual perfection where the waters calm and the clouds part. It happens because through those very things you struggle with you are driven time and time again to God Himself. And if I didn't live that process openly with people, what right would I have to try to tell them that's how it works?

City Business Internet Scandal

2005-11-30T07:11:00.000-08:00

We were scheduled to post the second greatest blog of the year today, but in light of the recent “City Business Internet Scandal” I feel there are more important things to cover. That being said I wanted to put a link to all of CBC’s websites so others could take the time to go through and “audit” them for accuracy. http://www.citybiblechurch.org/ http://www.eternityproduction.com/ http://www.mfi-online.org/ http://www.portlandbiblecollege.org/ http://www.citychristianschool.com/ http://www.citychristianpublishing.com/ http://www.starbucks.com/ Take the road less traveled. 11/30 UPDATE: This is really amazing, I just got a letter from the president of the internet thanking this site for our diligent search for honesty. He wanted me to pass along this message: Dear bloggers from City Business Church, I greatly appreciate your quest for honesty. There are so many websites our there that try to cut corners on pay sites. Thanks to you, the internet is now a safer place. Keep up the good work. Remember, only you can prevent internet fraud. -President of the Internet.

The Case of the Website Violation

2005-11-29T11:50:00.000-08:00

This blog's favorite sleuth, Henry Straforelli (or"Joe Hardy" as his close friends lovingly refer to him) recently discovered a violation within the Eternity Website. Using clues he located from the donation section of Eternity's Website, "Joe" was able to determine that Eternity used 2checkout to accept "donations" for their services. Unfortunately, this was in direct violation of 2checkout's own payment policy which clearly stated that "The following Products and Services CANNOT be sold: firearms, pornography or donations." Joe quickly contacted his Brother in the Lord "Frank (Johnpaul Morton) Hardy", and they set out to solve the case of City Bible's Missing Morals. Thankfully, for us readers, it was a relatively easy case to solve. Frank and Joe both sent emails to 2checkout alerting them to the apparent violation, and 2checkout sent the boys back a case number: 3059-QWEY-5316. This morning the Hardy Boys received an email proclaiming "Action will be taken." And now Eternity's Donation site is down. As City Bible's Blogfather "Fenton Justin Morton Hardy", I would like to send my thanks to these two valiant amateur detectives. Thank you for keeping City Bible honest, and keeping our internet safe from unscruplous businessmen.

#3

2005-11-25T16:44:00.000-08:00

This next blog needs no introduction, will everyone please rise and welcome the THIRD GREATEST POST OF THE YEAR: Who Burns First What amazing timing. Right when I’m posting CBC’s top ten list from "Who Burns First" they release an updated version for 2006. Good news for Samuel John Klein it looks like Catholics have dropped from the list and have been replaced by the dreaded Non-Tither (CBC’s most feared).Here is the new list for 2006: 1. Irreverent Bloggers 2. Gay's (w/aids) 3. Non-Tithers 4. The Poor 5. Aaron Tuck 6. People who drink alcohol in public places* 7. Pregnant Teens and their promiscuous partner. 8. Feminists 9. Those who voted NO on Measure 36 10. Democrats *There is a slight loophole for drinkers. If you only drink on vacation, preferably while you are out of state, you will be exempt from burning. This rule does not apply to other area’s (i.e. – If you get pregnant out of state, you will still burn)

Coffee Bible Church

2005-11-25T16:28:00.000-08:00

I copied this from CBC’s bulletin last week. It was written by Pastor Frank and I have done nothing to change it. TODAY’S THOUGHT Starbucks has become one of the world’s best retailers of the $3 cup of coffee. Many of us make our morning pilgrimage to this Temple of Java. Having spent our $3 to be awakened by the aroma of the caffeinated black stuff, we’re not appalled that we just spent that much for a cup of hot liquid - we’re actually grateful that it’s a part of our life. The Starbucks culture has become a significant part of the relational infrastructure of our society. Meeting friends, hanging out, spending time with people oftentimes involves, “let’s grab a cup of coffee.” The fact that coffee and relationships have joined forces in modern day America is perhaps not so coincidental. Starbucks has positioned itself as a Creator of Community. When we look at Acts 2 we recognize that God intended that His spiritual family would be the Creator of authentic and true Community. God’s interested not just in what we get done – but in how we build up the people around us. Perhaps that’s why Jesus reported to the Pharisees that the second commandment was as important as the first – love your neighbor. Take some time this week to read Mark 2:1-12 and explore how four friends intentionally built community. This “Thought” pretty well sums up all of Pastor Hank’s sermons. He spends the first 2/3rds rambling about his own personal thoughts, the last 1/3rd telling you what he thinks the Bible says, and the final 1/8th (he always goes over) giving you a scripture to look up on your own. Now, if your church was call City Damazio Church or Frank Temple, then it would be appropriate to follow such a pattern. However, when you call yourself City Bible Church, you certainly mislead your members. City Bible Church you are a fraud and I demand that you now change your name to “City Not-so-much-of-the Bible Church” …Am I missing something? Does the Bible say to “Honor thy Father and thy Coffee Bean”? Can “Barista” be translated to “Elder”? Was Jesus’ first miracle turning water into a caramel macchiato? Is heaven really a Low Fat, Extra Hot, Hazelnut Latte? Does Frank actually own stock in Starbucks? Now that I’m thinking about it, in the last 6 months I’ve heard 2 sermons that revolve around Starbucks… and when you read the profiles of the Generation Unleashed leaders they list their favorite coffee drink? Is that being “relevant” or are they a little obsessed? You know, all this time I’ve thought I was upset with CBC for their teaching (or lack there of), but now I realize what it really is: I’m a Coffee People kind of guy.

MERRY FRANKMAS

2005-11-23T09:55:00.000-08:00

For those of you who were concerned about having to spend this Christmas @ church, I have good news: CBC has decided to cancel church (read: close business) for the weekend of December 24th and 25th. Apparently they decided that business would be slow that weekend and so it would be best not to bother. Ok, so maybe they aren’t into celebrating birthdays, right? Except, it wasn’t that long ago that I remember being stuck in a rather long service celebrating the birth of Frank. This thought led me to believe that while Jesus is the reason for the season…He isn’t the reason for CBC. And now we sing… The first Christmas song of the year: WE WISH YOU A MERRY FRANKMAS we wish you a merry Frankmas we wish you a merry Frankmas we wish you a merry Frankmas and a Damappy new year a Lasit we bringto you and Louman a Lasit for Frankmas and a Damappy new year we wish you a merry Frankmas we wish you a merry Frankmas we wish you a merry Frankmas and a Damappy new year

Is that one word or two?

2005-11-22T02:04:00.000-08:00

LT's back. He has some good thoughts. And at one point, I found myself thinking, "Oh no he just didn't." It has been some time since I visited the site, but a few friends urged me to read what was being said about PBC lately, so I took the bait. As some of you may know, I have been gone from PBC since the middle of May. There is no need to rehearse the events that led to me being laid off or to try and interpret all the reasons behind the decision. I am very happy attending Gresham Free Methodist Church today while making my living working for a couple of universities. There are many things I could say about the twelve years I served at PBC but, at fifty-six years of age and having perpetrated my share of damage to people during my years of ministry, I have neither time nor energy to entertain a new round of hard feelings. One thing I have learned: I’m dumb enough to overlook my own hypocrisy when criticizing others at times, but I’m smart enough to know that bullshit is one word. This brings me to the first point: some of you have legitimate complaints but about others I am not so certain. Perhaps you should search deep in your own hearts to discern which category you belong to before logging on. My wife and I have experienced pain at the hands of religious zealots too. But I prefer to focus on the many happy memories I gained from sharing a small portion of my life with intelligent and precocious youth and with whom I believe are positive contributors to this world. I also have good friends at PBC, including Dr. Asplund and Lanny Hubbard and others. I happen to know that their hearts are always turned toward the students. My second point addresses the rest of you who have raised legitimate concerns over hurts you received while at PBC. I can only say that I am truly sorry. Please accept my apology as a former representative of the teachers and administrators who hurt you. I also ask any person to forgive me if I intentionally or unintentionally hurt you during your time at PBC. I can only hope that you are able to deal with your anger and use whatever experiences you have had in life to reconstruct something worthwhile for yourself. I wish you all the best for the future. LT

#4: THE FOURTH GREATEST POST OF THE YEAR

2005-11-21T08:55:00.000-08:00

Since we can’t make it to every CBC service, we occationally have to imagine what it was like to actually be there. This is what catalyst has done. #4 is hillarious. Sunday, June 05, 2005 Overheard Today is the day that City Bible spoke about women being elders. Here is how I imagine the sermon went. Good Morning, everyone. As many of you know, today we are going to discuss the ordination of women at City Bible Church. I am well aware that the Bible says some specific things about women, and that's why the leadership and I have prepared a special presentation to help you grasp this complex Biblical issue. First, we are now selling new Bibles in the bookstore for $49.95. These new Bibles are interepreted by Kevin Connor and edited by Lanny Hubbard. We call them the KCV version of the Bible. And yes, the teachings of Christ are in red. As is Malichi 3:8. My step-father informed me that Christ meant to speak Malachi 3:8, he just forgot. For those of you who can't afford this new KCV version, I am going to ask you to take out a ball point pen. Something permanent and indelible. Okay, everyone cross out 1 Corinthians 14:34-35.... well, better yet, just cross out that entire chapter. We're not gonna be needing it anymore. Thanks... Okay.. well that settles that. Great. Now we're all on board. Oh and before I forget, we have bussed in some gays for us to pray for. What's that? Oh, no, no, no, they're not practicing homosexuality, they're gays who don't want to be gay. The only sin we tolerate at this church is pride. What's that? Another question? Ummm, well yes the Bible does say some things about women. But we've crossed those verses out. What's that? "God doesn't change." No, you're absolutely right, God doesn't change, just the Bible. Okay. Great... well everyone open your Bibles to Malichi 3:8.....

Prayer Walk

2005-11-17T11:04:00.001-08:00

Here is another thought from our favorite ex-PBC student. I'm just getting to some of these postings, but I have an experience I wanted to share from a group called "Main Street" that was started by CBC in 1997. This isn't about a "prayer tunnel" but along the same lines. I volunteered to be on the prayer team down at Main Street, and we were supposed to go on a "prayer walk," which to me meant praying silently while walking. Kind of like meditation while on a hike or something. Well, I was mistaken! The group going on the prayer walk through the PSU park-blocks pulled out a map. Then, they asked who would like to lead the prayer walk. I said I would, but then the leader of this group told me that I didn't have any experience with "spiritual mapping." I didn't know I had to have experience, or I wouldn't have applied for the job, but whatever. Anyway, the "spiritual mapper" prayed over the map until the Holy Spirit told him where we were supposed to walk. Then, we had to stop in front of certain buildings that he felt led he was supposed to pray over. One building that was owned by PSU was supposedly previously inhabited by a molestor according to this "spiritual mapper." I'm not sayin' any names. The "spiritual mapper" asked that we start praying against the spirits from the person that used to live there. I got scared. It was dark & there wasn't much light around. Plus, the way these people were talking scared me. So, I just fell behind the other prayer walkers and went home--I don't think they noticed that I wasn't with them when they got back to Main Street. To be honest, that was my last time going to Main Street. I was unqualified to pray, because I hadn't been trained to be a "spiritual mapper."

Please Read Responsibly

2005-11-16T11:32:00.000-08:00

I wrote this as a comment under the last post, but thought that it deserved a closer look. I am providing a link to The Rick A. Ross Institute for the study of Destructive Cults, Controversial Groups and Movements. Now just to clarify, Rick may study “Cults”, but I am only interested in his work with “Controversial Groups and Movements”(wink). If you would like to check it out yourself go to http://www.rickross.com/. Let’s look closely at what Rick has to say about “Controversial Groups and Movements”. I’ll write the warning sign in black and then rate City Business Church in red based on the following scale of 1-10 with 1 being Completely Safe and a 10 being Definitely Unsafe. At the end we will look at their score and decide if CBC is a “Controversial Group or Movement”. Ten warning signs of a potentially unsafe group/leader. 1. Absolute authoritarianism without meaningful accountability. 8 2. No tolerance for questions or critical inquiry. 10 3. No meaningful financial disclosure regarding budget, expenses such as an independently audited financial statement. 6 4. Unreasonable fear about the outside world, such as impending catastrophe, evil conspiracies and persecutions. 7 5. There is no legitimate reason to leave, former followers are always wrong in leaving, negative or even evil. 10 6. Former members often relate the same stories of abuse and reflect a similar pattern of grievances. 10 7. There are records, books, news articles, or television programs that document the abuses of the group/leader. 2 8. Followers feel they can never be "good enough". 10 9. The group/leader is always right. 10 10. The group/leader is the exclusive means of knowing "truth" or receiving validation, no other process of discovery is really acceptable or credible. 4 If your group/leader scored: 1-25: Your group/leader is basically safe, and you should continue to listen and learn from them. However, you are looking at this test so there may be some reason for concern. Always use your best judgement when following a religious group. 26-50: Your group/leader probably won’t be making you drink any cool-aid soon, but probably isn’t the greatest person to follow. Begin considering other options for fulfillment, and keep out a watchful eye. 51-75: Your group/leader is dangerously close to unsafe. You will probably begin noticing them ask for large sums of money, and perhaps even rolling out a “plan” to look to the future. Be very concerned about the direction of your group and NEVER give then any money. 76-100: Get out now. This group/leader is not using concerned about you or your family. They only care more about themselves and their personal goals. Do not go to them for advice, they words will likely be misleading. If at any time they talk of mass growth, report them to the proper authorities immediately and NEVER EVER give them money. For immediate help please seek professional care at a website such as www.citybiblewatch.blogspot.com. According to my results CBC scored a 77. They are definitely a “Controversial Group”. Get out now… Disclaimer: The ranking system was created by City Business Church and has no affiliation with Rick A. Ross or the The Rick A. Ross Institute for the study of Destructive Cults, Controversial Groups and Movements. City Business Church is a fictional organization. Any resemblance to a real group/organization is completely coincidental. At no time during this post were the writers accusing anyone of being a cult. The CBC blog should not be read by pregnant women or anyone operating heavy machinery. Please Read Responsibly.

And they wonder why their church is shrinking?

2005-11-14T12:35:00.000-08:00

I just received an email from an ex-PBC student. She gave me permission to share her email. Her thoughts are honest and revealing. I always enjoy meeting others who have left City Bible and share similar feelings. I find her testimony incredibly inspiring. This is the type of honest emotion you rarely see from the pulpit, and it makes me glad I started this blog. By the way, I sort of think a blog should be started about PBC. There are a lot of people that I know (myself included) who left PBC in a haze and then got f*cked up when they had to deal with reality, after being told they "had a destiny." I now know that those who "had a destiny" were those who were related or children of MFI pastors. I for one was told that PBC had accredidation w/ PSU, but when I transferred to PSU, they only took two 'F's I got from PE, thanks to STeve Cole. So, I started from scratch...two years at MHCC, and then two years at PSU. I took those F's and put straight A's against them, and graduated with a 3.8GPA from PSU with a degree in English. I have a lot of issues with PBC AND CBC. What was amazing to me is that I thought all these years that I was completely alone in my thoughts on CBC. I used to count the number of Sundays that came and went that neither Frank NOR Jack would crack the Bible. IT was all about the prophetic and saying whatever the Spirit told them to say. I was looking for something a LOT more grounded. I ended up hanging out with Mult. Bible College students, and when I told the Wager's that I was considering transferring to Multnomah Bible College, because they had an excellent missions' program, they scoffed at me and told me they disagreed with my decision, and if I chose to do that, I would no longer be 'under their wing.' Anyway, I left CBC, no one noticed or cared, and I am sooo much happier now. I met my husband at Biddy McGraw's Irish Pub, and we are doing great. My husband doesn't have a religious back-ground at all, and so many times, I've felt envious of him. He is so much more open-minded & carefree about spirituality & churches in general. Me...I've got a big chip on my shoulder, and any time I go into a church that reminds me of CBC, I can't wait until the service is over. I think there are so many of us out there that have our religious beliefs & spiritual values, but do not want to be a part of the corporate church--and, CBC is a prime example of this. About a year ago, I went to a bridal shower for this girl I know & Glenda Malmin was there. She used to be my 'mentor' at PBC. This is how the conversation went: G: "Hi K, What church are you going to?" K: "I don't go to church." G: "You don't go to church?" K: "No." G: "Comeon, Angie. Let's go into the kitchen." They turned their backs on me right then and there. Well, anyway, I commend you for having the guts to take a stand & speak up for what you believe is right. So many people up on the hill & those who have left have never done that. Nothing will ever change unless people speak up & those up on the hill take accountability for their actions.

#5 "Dear LT"

2005-11-14T10:17:00.000-08:00

As usual, the funniest posts mention my family. Dear LT, Here @ City Business Church it only takes one comment to make you a member of the family and so I am wondering if you wouldn’t mind helping me clear up a few things. On Sunday I had a conversation with my mother about Christian prayer lingo. For those of you who don’t know my mom, I would describer her as a Moaner-Groaner with a touch of Quaker-Shaker. To say the least she knows how to make a scene in church. Her latest craze is 24 hour prayer and worship which she experienced on a recent trip to Kansas City. On her return she ran right out bought a new stereo system and filled it with cd’s from whatever church in Kansas City she was at. Her plan is to have praise and worship music piping through the house 24 hours a day; I’m not sure how that’s going to go over with the fam, but she’s gonna try it. Anyway, my brother Jesse and his should-be fiancé Andrea were listening to the cd’s and they noticed that the person praying was asking for God to “turn hearts like channels of water”. This sparked our conversation in which we had to ask, what does it mean to “turn hearts like channels of water”? Discussing this quickly led to “gap standing”, “bridge building”, and “hedges of protection”. And, let’s not forget about the “river”. You can wade, jump, step into, and drink from “the river” which appears to have something to do with “ocean’s of love”, but we’re not sure how they’re connected. It seems to me that all to often people just go with the flow (apparently down the river), and rarely stop to ask the all important question: “WHAT???”.I’m going to give that a try: 1.What is the “gap” and why are we standing in it? 2.How many “rivers” does it take to make “oceans of love”? 3.Is the “bridge” for crossing the “gap” or the “river”? 4.Are we really supposed to “drink” from the same “river” that we just jumped in? After about 30 minutes of discussion with my mother here’s what I understand. The gap is the space between sin and righteousness (man and God). The bridge crosses that very gap; and no one knows where the river flows, but if you see it, be sure to jump in. I actually think it helps explain the Trinity. Jesus is the ultimate “gap stander” (her words, not mine), the Holy Spirit is in the “river”, and that leaves God to tend to the “hedges”. Which leads me to my next question: How much protection does a hedge really offer? Can you picture Satan gathering an army of demons, preparing for an attack on an unsuspecting Christian, when suddenly he hears: Demon: “Um Lucifer, I think we’ve got a problem”. Satan: “Yes Rage, what’s the matter” Demon: “We couldn’t get him” Satan: “What do you mean ‘you couldn’t get him’?” Demon: “Well, Lust, Envy and I were right on his tale when suddenly… he ran across the bridge, jumped into this river, swam right past your gap, and then dove behind that hedge for protection.

Enough Crap!

2005-11-11T18:05:00.000-08:00

Sure, we could all start putting up links to Frank’s latest sermon or TBN’s giving hotline or Pat Robertson’s latest mistake, but I’m ready to move on to something worth reading. Here is a link to an article written by our friend Pam Hogeweide about what is happening in today’s church. http://www.off-the-map.org/idealab/articles/idl0511-1-empty.html The article is titled “Why does the church feel empty” and it is worth reading. I’ll leave you with a teaser quote: “Christ summed up all the mystery of religious philosophy and kingdom culture with the simple message of Love God and each another. And that is what I hear in the words of so many disillusioned Christians around me – a hunger for Jesus and community.” Thank you Pam, we appreciate your thoughts.

Pat's Power

2005-11-11T10:15:00.000-08:00

Since every blog I visit has posted this article about Pat Robertson, I suppose we might as well get in the act as well. Apparently, Pat thinks God will judge the town of Dover, Pennsylvania for voting the wrong way. Must be nice to be Pat. And here via The Moderate Voice , a pastor blogs his thoughts about Pat's comments. The post is titled: Sorry, Pat I just don't buy that The best quote is here: The God I know in my life and the God I preach from the pulpit looks nothing like the God I hear Pat Robertson talking about. My God is the Beloved and does everything out of and for love, not out of or for control. Control has to do with certainty. The God I see in the Bible is the God who is always surprising us with grace. good times... good times...

IRS pulls Church Tax Exempt Status

2005-11-10T08:46:00.000-08:00

We've been discussing taxes and whether pastor's pay them. (They do.) When I came across this link, of a church that had its tax exempt status pulled for speaking about politics. Best Quote: The IRS notified the church of the investigation in a letter that cited an Oct. 31, 2004, sermon by Pastor Regas called "If Jesus Debated Senator Kerry and President Bush." Church leaders say they have done nothing wrong. (So much for free speach.) For my money, churches should pay taxes, and churches should be free to speak about political candidates. Of course, if I was given the choice between paying taxes or speaking about politics. I would promptly shut the hell up.

#6 “I LOVE POO”

2005-11-08T17:11:00.000-08:00

Clearly anytime you can capture Dougie shouting "I love poo" you'll make the top ten. This is one of my favorites. Here we go with #6: Friday, December 10, 2004 Running Diary of Gen Church Sermon This is my running diary of last weeks Gen Church Sermon. The sermon is entitled,"Generation Church Culture Part 4". I missed the first three parts, but I've got a feeling I'll still be able to pick it up in the middle. Pressing play and here we go: 8:20 - Pastor just asked audience how many people love the bible. You hear a faint "Woohoo" in the background. (I'm gonna see about getting him an audition for Saved Part 2). 8:22 - Mentions Willamette Week article. I'm getting excited. Will he read the Abercrombie section? 8:24 - Excitedly reads this quote from the WW article. "Portland's Christian soldiers may seem queer, but they're here. Get used to it." Did I hear that correctly? I think he just called himself a queer? And how did I miss that quote. I apologize to all my blogging fans for missing that one. (5 minutes into this sermon, and I know its gonna be great). 8: 25 - "This paper is so big its like an octopus, eight arms." - This must be some tithing humor. 8:30 - Of course he skips over the Abercrombie quote. I should've known. 8:35 - He just yelled out "Greater is he who is in" and then the audience yelled back "Me". Did it again. And, yes he did it again. Can't believe it, he did it again. Now he's doing it and screaming "Oh" after they say "Me". Just yelled, "Someone needs to get into the Bible."(Forget sequal to Saved, this guy could be the whole movie himself. He's also really supporting my hype theory.) 8:37 - Erik and Natalie are getting married. Natalie has huge wedding book she carries everywhere. Editors note - Erik needs to rethink the marriage. 8:40 - Just used a "talk to the hand" joke. Apparently pastor didn't get the "Its not 1995" memo. 8:42 - His jokes are bombing so bad, he's asking the audience if they're doing okay. One girl in the front row is giving him the only courtesy laugh, and she sounds like she's getting hoarse. Someone better pick up the slack. 8:50 - Starts talking about Pilgrims and their look. Mentions high school Pilgrims. Pulls random kid out of audience and says kid is high school pilgrim. Mentions that the Willamette Week article calls the youth group an Ambercrombie youth group. Says this is what makes the youth group so different. (Pastor must subscribe to the, "Any publicity is good publicity" motto, at least he mentioned the Abercrombie section, and Abercrombie & Fitch makes you different? Different from what? Gap, Banana Republic, Nordstrom?) 8:51 - "Pilgrims can even look different. Pilgrims can even be from a different country." Sounding incredulous, "Pilgrims can even be women." (Wow, he just offended everyone who isn't an American male. This is really quite impressive. And he has an odd obsession with Pilgrims.) 8:53 - Acknowledges that the rapture might not come for another 5,000 years. (First statement, I've actually agreed with. Good for him.) 8:55 - Acknowledges that he shouldn't have taken his wife to youth camp for their honeymoon. (Second thing I agreed with.) 8:58 - Tells story about his young daughter on vacation at Disneyland and how much she loves Winny the Pooh. The whole time at Disneyland she's carrying around a pen and paper looking for Pooh's autograph. Time comes to leave, she still hasn't found Pooh, and so she starts screaming, "Pooh, I love you." (This is actually a really cute story. But if you happend to walk in and missed him talking about his daughter, you would just hear the pastor screaming at the top of his lungs, "Poo, I love you. I love Poo.") I'm telling you, this stuff writes itself. 9:00 - Finishes up with a bunch of nice stories about martyrs. (I really liked his Pooh story, and after that, I kind of feel bad for making fun of him. I don't think he's the greatest speaker, but he sounds like a good father. I'm starting to become sentimental. I probably shouldn't have drank that fourth glass of wine.)

Pastor Salary

2005-11-07T06:57:00.000-08:00

There was an article in the Washington Post discussing the annual salaries of pastors and nonprofit CEO's. (Odd comparison, since I think pastors and ceo's serve two completely different functions, but whatever) Read the article here: When Pay Seems to Charitable And here are the best quotes: I love my large church, even though, with more than 7,000 members, I often have to worship from an overflow room. But there is one bothersome downside of attending a megachurch. You're often put in the position of defending your pastor's personal finances. In a look at pastoral pay, including housing, the National Association of Church Business Administration found the average annual salary to be $91,200. The low side in the survey was $13,700 a year, and the high was $249,600. ($91,200 seems like a lot of money to me. But maybe I'm naive.) And here's the author's conclusion: I've never looked at what kind of car my pastor drives, nor do I care what it is. When I give, I look at whether the charity, church or pastor is meeting the needs of the people and communities being served. I think that's a good mentality to have. I just wonder whether the church is really meeting the need of the community. I'm skeptical.

The 7th Greatest Post of the Year

2005-11-04T10:04:00.000-08:00

One year ago when we started this blog we felt like we needed an inside source for all our gossip. This role fell on our sister Angela and she became know as the Monday Morning Mole. Unfortunately, our Mole wasn’t very good about details. Most conversations went like this: “How was Church?” – “Fine” – “What did they talk about?” – “I don’t know.” – “If we paid you would you start taking better notes?” – “Leave me alone.” As you can see this became very difficult for us and so we were often forced to make things up (it’s funnier that way anyhow). That is how this next post was formed. From Monday, December 20th, I give you #7. Monday Mole Update Our mole went to Church on Sunday, and she told me they actually preached about Jesus. Several members of the congregation were shocked to hear a sermon about Jesus. Leading to this exchange between two members of the church: Member #1: (whispering to friend) Whose this Jesus they’re talking about? Member #2: Uh, I think he has something to do with Christianity or something like that. I don’t really know though, since this is the first I’ve heard of him here. Member #1: Well, what am I supposed to do with all my money this week? No one has told me to give it to them. Member #2: (shrugging) I don’t know, I suppose you could spend it on yourself. Member #1: AND GO TO HELL! No way.(preaching continues) Member #1: (leaning back over to her friend) You know, when I’m eating at a restaurant and I get a free meal, I usually just give the waiter a really good tip. You know to compensate for the free meal. Member #2: Yeah, so... Member #1: Well, since I guess the sermon is free today. I think I might just tip the usher. Member #2: Good idea. [Editors Note: I owe this idea to The Holy Trinity (of blogging).]

The Price Has Already Been Paid

2005-11-02T12:18:00.000-08:00

The “Eternity” play is now showing at your local CBC campus and I wanted to share a few excerpts from their website http://www.eternityproduction.com/index.html and then give a few thoughts of my own. For those who don’t know, "Eternity" is a play where they show people dying and going to either heaven (if you’re a good person) or hell (if you’re gay). It basically uses scare tactics to get people to the alter. Yes, it’s effective for short term results; NO, it’s not effective for long term goals. Fear only motivates for a short time; people get numb too quickly. With that in mind, here’s what they have to say: They said: “Eternity" is an intense dramatic presentation of the Gospel that shows the reality of life after death... Heaven or Hell. RP said: Really? Maybe a better title would have been “Heaven’s Gates/ Hell’s Flames”. They said: City Bible Church determined to better impact their community for Christ. In 1996, Senior Pastor Frank Damazio and Pastor Ed Schefter set out to develop an outreach that would win souls by activating the local church. As a result, Eternity was built to be a relevant and hard hitting ninety-minute stage presentation to preach the gospel of Christ. RP said: Let me re-write this accurately: City Bible Church determined to better impact their community for Christ and make a little cash on the side. In 1996 Senior Pastor Frank Damazio and Pastor Ed Schefter stole an outreach that would win souls by activating the local church. As a result, the play "Heaven’s Gates / Hell’s Flames" was renamed "Eternity" and they’ve been taking credit for it ever since. As you can see, not only do I think “Eternity” is a waste of time; I also think it’s a plagiarized waste of time. Now, what does the Bible say about stealing? (Exodus 20:15 Thou shalt not steal). But, I suppose if you change the music it’s not really stealing. Isn’t that right, Ed? For those of you interested in learning about the real “Eternity” please visit http://mze.com/heavensgates/ For those of you not wanting to waste your time; please don’t visit either site.

City Bible Mart

2005-11-01T13:11:00.000-08:00

With CBC announcing their plans to launch 9 or so new stores, what message does that send to the other local pastors? “Attention Bob MacGregor, Senior pastor of City Harvest Church in Vancouver, you’re not doing a good enough job. We’re taking over” “Attention Ted Roberts, Senior pastor of East Hill Foursquare Church in Gresham, you’re not doing a good enough job. We’re taking over” “Attention Ray Cotton, Senior pastor of New Hope Community Church in Clackamas, You’re not doing a good enough job. We’re taking over” “Attention Dr. James Martin, Senior pastor of Mr. Olivet Baptist Church in North Portland, You’re not doing a good enough job. We’re taking over… actually… no… we won’t be going anywhere near North Portland. Carry on. ” Seriously, is this the formula set up by Christ? Is this the way an “A2” (Acts 2) church would act? Did Paul go around acting like Wal-Mart and pushing existing churches out of “business”? I don’t think so. Shame on you City Bible Church, shame on you. I for one would like to treat them like a large box store and start a petition to “Keep City Bible Out of Vancouver”. I may not be a local resident, but I’ll be the first to sign. KEEP CITY BIBLE CHURCH OUT OF VANCOUVER, WA 1. JOHNPAUL MORTON 2. ________________ 3. ________________ 4. ________________

AND #8 GOES TO….

2005-10-31T08:52:00.000-08:00

PRAYER TUNNELS: (From Feb 11th 2005) What, exactly, is a prayer tunnel? I get prayer and I get tunnel, but “prayer tunnel” just doesn’t quite work. Does the tunnel pray? Are they praying for the tunnel? Why aren’t there prayer bridges? Let’s set the scene for those who have never experienced a “prayer tunnel”. Two rows of “Prayer Warriors” line up facing each other. Then both sides raise their hands in an arched manor in order to create a “tunnel”. And finally, people in need of prayer move through this “tunnel”. You might have seen something like this at a high school basketball game (without the prayer, of course). I spent some time looking in the Bible and I can’t find any examples of prayer tunnels. (Although I think that when Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead and he walked out of the tomb, the disciples formed a “tunnel” for him to run out of, but this was mostly just a bunch of high fives and chest bumping.) So it appears this is just another gimmick used by the church to…. Actually……I really don’t know. What is the point??? Maybe it is supposed to be like going to the drive through at Wendy’s. Sure you could dine in, but sometimes you just want to eat on the road. “Welcome to City Business Church, would you like dine in or carry out prayer today? Please pull forward through the next tunnel.” What kind of prayer goes on in these tunnels anyway? “JC he’s our man, if he can’t do it no one can” “Here we go Jesus, here we go (clap, clap) Here we go Jesus, here we go (clap, clap)” “J-E-SUS, Jesus, Jesus, He’s the best” Disclaimer:I believe in the power of both prayer and tunnels. I just don’t like the combination of them. Honestly now, all you who have been involved in a prayer tunnel recently, what is the point? Were you really effected or effective? It might be fun though, the next time your pastor gets up to preach, if you all ran forward and created a prayer tunnel for him to run through before his sermon. Let him finish off by jumping through a WWJD banner. A quick chest bump with the worship leader and he is ready to go. “OK team, before I begin to preach today, I would like everyone to get in a huddle. All right, on 3…1,2,3, GO JESUS!” This actually is a great idea, “Prayer Huddles”. Now…. “Break”

Welcome to CBW, please enjoy your stay.

2005-10-28T09:58:00.000-07:00

So I’ve heard for sometime now about how CBC wants to plant 9 or so churches around the Portland area, but recently I heard that when they announced this plan in church they showed a map of Portland and had these nine red dots slowly appear. The dots then spread until the entire map was covered with CBC red. That’s when it hit me. They won’t be happy just being City Bible Church in Portland, OR. They won’t rest until they’ve become City Bible World… I sure hope Jesus comes back soon, ‘cause I couldn’t handle seeing statues of Frank

WE DO TAKE REQUESTS

2005-10-27T15:27:00.000-07:00

We are getting close to conference season @ CBC. They recently began advertising for the next Generation Unleashed Conference under the slogan “Divine”. Yes it is a bit presumptuous but whatever…. I believe it is because of this upcoming conference that we received a request to re-post an old classic, and so that is what I am going to do. We had to go all the way back to Thursday December 16th 2004 to bring you: I tithed to CBC and all I got was this lousy t-shirt. Tickets to NW Breakthrough - $75 Parking @ the conference - $20 Water Bottle w/CBC logo on it - $2 Knowing that the hype only last 2 weeks - Priceless

Is City Bible growing?

2005-10-25T07:20:00.000-07:00

I'm taking a break from the Top Ten to ask a quick question. Is City Bible's membership actually increasing in numbers? I'm asking because I just read a comment from FICM stating, You can talk about alleged church growth at CBC, but the simple fact remains, that over the past 5 years, attendance at CBC has steadily decreased to the point that they actually removed half of the seating so it wouldn't be so painfully obvious that they were half empty. Is this true? I was cruising the new hip CBC website and found this little statement in PF's bio. Under Pastor Frank's leadership, City Bible Church has continued to grow and become an influential, multi-campus church impacting the culture in Portland, Oregon, the Northwest and across the country. I thought this statement was odd, because usually when a company (and that's what this church is.. a company) brags about their growth they throw in a figure like, "Attendance has increased 20% in the last five years" or "our congregation has increased 50%" ...but it just says the church has "continued to grow". Kind of vague if you ask me. Anyway, I don't think the church is growing in numbers. They may be growing in "complaints about tithing" but not in actual people.

#9 - Worst. Blog. Ever.

2005-10-24T07:49:00.000-07:00

This post came out because six months into the blog, we were hearing from friends and family that the City Bible Eldership was still reading our blog, and they hated it. Nothing pleases a Morton boy more, than hearing someone in a leadership role is angry. Its fuel to our soul. Worst.Blog.Ever. Word on the street is City Bible is still running around telling everyone this blog is horrible. Which, of course, pleases me to no end. It means they're still reading it. So CBC let me share something: What's really horrible is how many people have left your church, because there is no way to change the church from within.This blog is really just a byproduct of your preaching. But whatever... In keeping with the "Worst.Blog.Ever." theme, let me share a hypothetical knock knock joke between me and Pastor Frank. Catalyst: Knock Knock Pastor Frank: Who's there? Catalyst: Interrupting Cow Pastor Frank: Interrupt- Catalyst: MOOOOOOOOO! Pastor Frank: Catalyst, you're an idio- Catalyst: MOOOOOOOOOO! Pastor Frank: I'm leavi- Catalyst: MOOOOOOOO! (I find this joke works best with those individuals aged 5-11, the immature demographic). (And yes, I'm bored.)

Come support our man Zach

2005-10-21T18:07:00.000-07:00

How many Pulitzer Prize winning papers have written articles about this blog? One. Who is responsible for writing this article? Zach Dundas. What do we owe him for this task? Our lives. How can we repay him? Go hear him speak. On Saturday, October 29, Multnomah Biblical Seminary will be hosting a conference on ending the culture wars in favor of building loving community. Many people of local fame will be present, including our biggest fan Zach Dundas (He isn’t really a fan). I would strongly encourage you to consider attending this special event. You may find a link to this event on the School of Theology web site, or you may use this link:http://new-wineskins.org/Events/ I'll see you all there.

Keeping it clean.

2005-10-21T18:04:00.000-07:00

I would like to appoligize in advance for the nature of this next post. It is extremely distasteful and inappropriate. Sometimes I forget who reads this blog, and sometimes I remember but post anyway. Sorry. We have received over 70,000 hits in little under one year and for that we want to say “THANK YOU”. A lot of people have asked how we got so many hits, to which we always reply "Keep it clean, dude.". Now a lot of blogs out there try getting hits by writing “Anna Kournikova Nude” somewhere in there blog, but thanks to you all we don’t have to stoop to that level. You won’t see the header “Katie Holmes Naked” anywhere on our site. We’ve been able to keep it clean thanks to your support. And because we haven’t written “XXX” or advertised “FREE PORN” many would think this site has suffered, but I believe that we have been rewarded. We are a clean blog where you will never see “College Girls Uncensored”. Thank You.

#10 - Thus Sayeth, "The Frank"

2005-10-21T13:30:00.000-07:00

As was promised, here is Number 10 of our Top 10 posts. I believe this post came about when JP randomly emailed me a prophecy, and I had no choice but to put it up on the blog. From March 7, 2005. My brother JP moves in the prophetic. Here is his prophecy regarding the future of City Business. The Frank would say to you-a, "Give me your money and watch me pour out blessings upon my church." "I'll cover this "city" church with plasma screen TV’s; I'll replace the carpet and update the lighting" say's the Frank "Rise up oh check book of faith, write down a figure far beyond your means, and I shall stretch out my hand and receive this check. I shall take this check and deposit it in the bank of profits, now is the time, this is the season" Thus sayeth the Frank.

Shall We Pray?

2005-10-20T08:05:00.000-07:00

Prayer. It’s interesting isn’t it? Essentially prayer is asking God to intervene with our lives, right? It’s asking for Divine intervention, a miracle. Even if it’s as small as finding a parking spot at Starbucks it’s still a miracle. Strip down our prayers and what do they really sound like? Father God, Please stop what you are doing and come take care of my problems. Your Son. Or if you’re really spiritual: Father God, Please, Father, stop what you are doing, oh Lord, and come, Jesus, come Jesus and take care of my problems, Father. Your Son. Of course we, as followers of Christ, believe that God loves to hear these prayers? Don’t we believe that he will always stop and listen? God cares for us so much, it really doesn’t matter what our prayers sound like. But should there be more to it? What part do we play? Shouldn’t prayer be followed up with action? They say faith without works is dead but isn’t prayer without action the same? When Mrs. Smith gets abused by her husband she should pray that God “softens his heart”, but she should also kick him in the balls and call the cops. When Mr. Jones can’t get his son Johnny to listen, he should pray that God “breaks down the walls”, but he should also take away little Johnny’s car, allowance, and cell phone and tell Johnny to get a job. At the same time when Andy gets diagnosed with terminal cancer, there’s nothing to do but pray. And that’s what should be done. My point is simply this, Prayer should be a given. Pray. Always pray. Start with a prayer, end with a prayer. But I’m tired of people using prayer as an excuse. Do you want to know why there are so many lousy pastors out there? It’s because Christians always want to take advantage of God. If someone’s going through a rough time, simply pull out a handy scripture and tell them to “Pray about it”? If that doesn’t work, ask them about the “secret sins” they must have in there life. When they get upset and leave the church because you aren’t helping them, go tell everyone how “bitter” they are. And in three quick steps you’ve turned them off of Christ. “Don’t worry bro, we’ll be praying for you.” Why not mix in a therapist every now and again? Would it be so hard to say “Gee-wiz Tommy, I’d like to pray with you about this; but when were done, you really should seek professional help.” Now, my mother will take great offence to all this. She loves prayer about as much as anyone I know. Last night she told me when you pray you should spend as much time listening as you do talking. “You can’t have a good relationship when only one person is talking”. She thinks I’m under-spiritualizing everything; but then again, she left CBC too. Bitterness must run in the family.

Patient Passion

2005-10-19T06:45:00.000-07:00

Here is a recent comment from reader "Patient Passion." (Where do people come up with these names?) Anyway, I thought it a strong enough statement to deserves its own thread: I have been watching this blog for the last several months. It amazes me how deeply hurt and disenfranchized some of the posters are. For this, my heart is saddened. I think it is good that people have a place to come together to discuss their hurts and concerns for a congregation that has obviously touched a lot of lives (positively or not.) I would be careful, though, to examine how you judge Pastor Frank and the church. Do we really presume to know all of Frank's motives and heart? I know I don't...any more than I presume to know any of yours. We know for a fact that he is subject to the same sinful nature that is in all of us. It seems to me that there are only three possibilities regarding Frank's concepts and practice of tithing and fund-raising. Either he's wrong, and he knows it. He's wrong and he doesn't know it. Or, he's right. I don't know about you, but I don't pretend to have God and his infinite nature even close to figured out. I leave room for the possibility that some of my thinking could be flawed...that my views of Christ and his way of doing things are a bit limited. In fact, the Bible confuses me in a lot of ways. I consider myself and intelligent and educated man. But, I can't fully wrap my mind around the Word. All of this is to say, that our judgements are influenced by our own potentially flawed intelects. I don't believe in relativism. I do believe that the Word of God stands as truth. I also believe that the Holy Spirit illuminates the Word to reveal its truth to us. So, in all that the Spirit is showing you, is CBC at fault? Have you left room for God to work in mysterious ways without contradicting his own nature? If the answer is yes, than I pray that God changes Frank's heart and brings him into alignment with His truth. And that CBC follows suit. If the answer is no, than I pray God would change our hearts to better see what he's doing through CBC and Pastor Frank. At any rate, I think we all have some praying to do.

He said, Ashish said...

2005-10-17T16:33:00.000-07:00

This is in response to the post Beliver's Do This? (listed below) Ashish, First, let me thank you for taking the time to read our little blog. It means a lot to us that PBC students are studying our work. I would like to take a moment to discuss a few of your points. You say: 1. They claim Forward Together is something the church is doing so somehow the leadership can make more money. -I’ve never said that and I don’t believe it. The leadership is not out for personal gain, but seems to care too much about the image of CBC. It’s more of a corporate money problem then an individual money problem. 2. Financial freedom is something that should be sought out by the local church. -I Agree 3. The church body should desire to expand and see more people saved. -I Agree 4. These and other similar things were what Forward Together was all about. -No -Sorry, but Forward Together is about the expansion of CBC’s kingdom and not the kingdom of God. 5. Just ask and they’ll be more than willing to tell [you] what [is] happening with the money you put into the church. -Has anyone ever actually tried this? I’m just curious. I don’t need to know the results, but I’ll bet no one has “dared” to question them. 6. They claim Pastor Frank (or PF) is only about ‘giving’ sermons, and that somehow he’s only emphasizing one aspect. -I spent 10 years @ CBC and from every November through every January all we heard about was Faith Harvest (giving). Now, by my calculations that equals 1/4th of all sermons preached each year. Combine that with the “tithing” sermons slipped in every couple of months and you’ve got 1 in 3 sermons being preached on giving. If that ratio was set somewhere in the Bible I wouldn’t complain, but I just can’t seem to find it. 7. …you’d realize that the season the church is in right now, expansion and growth are at the forefront. -Season? What is this Hockey? That’s one hell of a "season". 8. There is no biblical support for slandering our leadership. -Probably true, when you look at CBC leadership as “elders of Christ’s church”; however if you see them as misled Pharisee’s there’s a bit more room to move. I think if you stop idolizing CBC’s leaders and really listened and watched what was going on you would be equally “Unimpressed”. I for one am appalled.

Believers do this?

2005-10-17T15:59:00.000-07:00

This is from Impassioned Imperfections (http://myguitarzz.wordpress.com/) I thought it was worth posting. Sometimes you go about thinking that you won’t ever come across something like this, but the more I read it the more I am in shock at what these so called Bible-believing people do to slander the work of God. For sometime now I’ve known of the blog citybiblewatch.blogspot.com(also known as City Business Church blog) and at times I’ve been disgusted by their sense of entitlement to belittle the work of God. They somehow confuse integrity with flakiness, and emphasis into overbearance. I’ll go through a few areas where I don’t appreciate what they do. These things have brewed over as I’ve seen what kind of stuff this blog produces.

They claim Forward Together is something the church is doing so somehow the leadership can make more money. I’ve attended CBC for all the years I’ve been here, and I can honestly say that CBC has been completely open to the entire body about their financial dealings. You can go look at their books. Just ask and they’ll be more than willing to tell what happenning with the money you put into the church. It’s horrific to think that so-called believers can slander the work of God. And by the way, financial freedom is something that should be sought out by the local church body. The church body should desire to expand and see more people saved. These and other similar things were what Forward Together was all about. To claim that there is some hidden agenda is almost preposterous.
They claim Pastor Frank (or PF) is only about ‘giving’ sermons, and that somehow he’s only emphasising one aspect. Seriously if you think about this carefully, you’d realise that the season the church is in right now, expansion and growth are at the forefront. Why shouldn’t a Pastor encourage the believers to give more money. Is it not the responsibility of the body to finance it’s own expansion. Like I said earlier, it’s a season in CBC where that must be emphasised, but it doesn’t mean that’s all that is emphasised. Imagine if you will someone criticizing a farmer because all he does in the months of September and October is harvest. The farmer would nicely tell you that is not the case, but rather it is a season where that’s the emphasis.

There are some good posts and reflections on this blog that I feel should be applauded but the whole basis for this blog was just despicable. I’m not afraid to say it because with every great work that God does, there’s always going to be people who rise up against it. Here’s what their blog has for it’s follow-up for it’s title:It is not by grace that one enters the kingdom of heaven, but by tithing. - Damazio 3:16 Just despicable. I’m appalled, almost saddened by it. Call me a loyal CBC member who believes in CBC, but according to the Bible if we are not in agreement with leadership the steps we need to take do not include slander, misrepresentation, and twisting of facts. We should rather approach the leadership and hear out the facts, if that does not work then pray, if still you feel ill towards it then leave the church in all humility and love. There is no biblical support for slandering our leadership, be it church or national. It’s wrong and I don’t care if I’m the first blogger to stand up and say it. Thoroughly Unimpressed, Ashish Joy

Oregon Museum of Prosperity and Image

2005-10-16T13:41:00.000-07:00

As you may have heard, CBC has updated their look. The are now an edgy 21st century, emerging church for the youth. It’s amazing what a graphic designer can do for your image. Their new look comes complete with a new logo and slogan "discover. experience. celebrate." Now, their logo looks like an updated version of the NBC peacock and their slogan reads like OMSI’s mission statement (thank you Anna for pointing that out), but apparently CBC believes that a new look will…? I don't know. …validate Forward Together? …increase giving? …help reach the lost? (now I’m being ridiculous) I’ve taken some time to browse through the new website (www.citybiblechurch.org) and I am going to share with you my favorite excerpts. What they said will be in blue and what the meant to say will be in red. Enjoy. What should I expect when I come? "We can wear what’s comfortable" Church really isn’t about what you wear. We’re more interested in serving your real needs, experiencing God, enjoying being together and celebrating life. So dress casually and you’ll fit right in. Dress casually in $200 jeans and you’ll fit right in. (Currently we are wearing 7 For All Mankind Jeans, but if all you own are Citizen’s, we’ll make an exception. And remember, a Luis Vuitton handbag will make up for non-designer clothing.) If sin separates me from God how do I get reconnected?"It all about the "F" word: forgiveness. Edgy, but no. Actually, it’s all about the "G" word: Give (to us) The only question is will your kids have more fun than you will? We are willing to cover up sexual relationships as long as no one gets pregnant. Frank Damazio, senior pastor of City Bible Church, is known for his relevant and transforming Bible teaching. Frank Damazio will at least make reference to the Bible in every sermon. On occasion he will even put scriptures up on the screen for you to read. We Care: How can we help you? Whether its food, clothing, personal, marital or financial counseling we want to help you. We will provide you with food, clothing or financial help, if you can pass our rigorous "Personal Profile" interview. What’s the best part about the new CBC? A lot less talk on giving. We’ve spoken and they’ve listened. Because of all the outspoken thoughts and comments on this website and others, PF has had no choice but to cut down on "Giving" sermons. You can now feel free to visit CBC without the pressure of constant giving. Thank You.

It worked for Hank

2005-10-13T17:24:00.000-07:00

Thank you all for sending in your nominations for posts of the year, we are excited to see who will come out on top this year. So far we have received 15,277 votes. Keep them coming, and remember you can text your vote to us by sending the message TITHE plus the name of the post to 4265 (HANK). While we wait for the final tally, I am going to post an old blog that I wrote awhile back, but didn’t quite make the cut. Remember our motto “If it makes fun of Hank, print it.” Looks like PF wrote a new book titled Biblical Principles for Releasing Financial Provision The promo reads like this: Learn how to obtain the favor of God and receive financial provision in your personal and business world with Biblical Principles for Releasing Financial Provision, a new release by Frank Damazio & Rich Brott. Now available in the bookstore. “Learn how to obtain the favor of God…” Now I haven’t read this book yet, but I’m pretty sure it should go like this: Chapter 1 – Ask forgiveness for your sins Chapter 2 – Accept salvation It’s not a long book, but it’s power packed. There is a chance however, it might go like this: Chapter 1 – Take over a large successful church Chapter 2 – Co-write a book titled Biblical Principles for Releasing Financial Provision Chapter 3 – Wait for checks to come rolling in. Not quite as life changing, but at least it should be a quick read. If you think this should be nominated for Post of the Year, send an email with the header “Faithful Giver” to mortonjp14@hotmail.com. God Bless.

Winding Down

2005-10-12T13:11:00.000-07:00

Have you listened to a City Bible sermon lately? They're pretty good. And by "pretty good", I mean the word "tithe" isn't peppered constantly throughout the sermon. And this, JP and I have decided, was the ultimate goal of this blog. Or course we're not arrogant enough to think that our blog alone prompted this change at City Bible... ...alright, actually we are that arrogant... Anyway, the one year anniversary of this blog is fast approaching. And to celebrate the Pope and I have decided to list our Top 10 posts, write a farewell post, and then finally end this wonderful experiment in humor, religion and large lopsided breasts. And while JP and I are quite content to list only our Top 10, we thought that perhaps some of our readers may have their own favorites. Thus, feel free to email us at: justin.morton@gmail.com and mortonjp14@hotmail.com In conclusion, the agenda for the next month and a half is to post our best blogs, pat ourselves on the back for doing such a wonderful job, and then get back to what we do best. For Johnpaul that's taking care of a wife and raising three young children, and for me that's trying to determine which Capitol Hill bar is going to have the hottest interns tonight.

iCHURCH*

2005-10-07T17:23:00.000-07:00

Is church just about dressing up and stepping into a Christian Culture every Sunday? What’s the significance and purpose of Church? Is it a place where you meet your friends? Is it something you “do” once or twice a week? Or is there supposed to be something more? Something that leaves you transformed because it’s in the context of this community of people that you are changed by God’s presence and refreshed by the meaningful relationships of those who stick closer than a brother? Church. What’s the big deal? It’s God’s big deal. He came up with the idea and He’s moving forward with the idea. The church is His bride, His family, the one who He died for. Church is the hope of the world, the revealer of His wisdom, the place of His residence, the people who He has entrusted with His life and power. Church is the big deal. When God said that He would build His Church, He desired to create a community that was truly interactive, the kind of community that you would be involved in. It’s about interacting with His presence in a such a way that you discover the joy and life of getting to know Him more closely; you experience the power and reality of who He is and you have the opportunity to celebrate Him, His life and the friendships that He surrounds you with. Church is a community and an experience that you interact with, it really ought to leave you transformed… more fully devoted to Jesus.

Top Ten Christian T-Shirts

2005-10-04T12:21:00.000-07:00

City Bible is doing a great job not talking about money. As such, me and JP don't have much to write about. So, we checked the internet and came up with our Top 10 Christian T-Shirts. Here we go: 10 - Jesus offers you his protection. 9 - Satan - You're Fired 8 - Every time you take a breath, 7 people go to Hell. Don't be one of them. 7 - So What if I pray like a girl? 6 - Megachurchsurvivor 5 - My God Kicks Your God's Butt 4 - Jesus Died For Pedro (and he died for you too Romans 5:8) 3 - Satan is a Nerd 2 - Body Piercing Saved My Life and the number 1 Christian T-shirt.... (drum roll please) 1 - MORE COW BELL! (Alright. Well, maybe that's not Christian, but in some circles, Will Ferrill is a religious figure.)

Ken Malmin

2005-09-27T13:38:00.000-07:00

During my seven or eight years at City Bible, I have heard probably three sermons that actually stuck with me, and two of them were by Ken Malmin. (The other sermon was given by an Irish gentleman, whose name I forget.) So when I was checking the pastoral speaking list today, and saw Ken Malmin's name listed as the speaker for September 18. I downloaded that baby onto my ipod and listened while walking to work. He didn't dissapoint. Ken was taking over for Pastor Frank who was speaking at a conference in England. (Sharing the good new of "how to charge for parking" I imagine). In the wake of Katrina and in the shadow's of 9/11, it was Ken's job to explain why bad things happen. His answer: sin. Ken didn't elaborate on what type of sin, other than to say that sin is what separates us from God and that is what makes our world a difficult place to live. However, he then begins to explain how we as Christians are supposed to behave in turbulent troubled times. His advice: Trust God and Help Others. And this is why I appreciate Ken. He gets it. Its not a show with him. He's not trying to impress the audience with his knowledge of theology or his new car or where he gets his coffee. He simply shares from his heart, and so when a hardened ex-City Bible member is listening to the sermon, he actually hears an excellent message and not just something to mock.

Letters to the editor

2005-09-25T11:10:00.000-07:00

Homosexuality is a sin as is any sexuality outside of marriage. Don Feder is not a Christian. He does not believe Christ is the Messiah (who, by the way, would forgive all repentant homosexuals and then command them to "go and sin no more"). Don Feder is a Jew. Anonymous in Portland, OR Editor's Note: CBC regrets the error.

Christian school expels girl for having gay parents

2005-09-23T08:48:00.000-07:00

From the Drudge report, apparently a a christian school in california expelled a girl because her parents were gay. More Christian's spreading Christ's love. Its good to see. (Yes, this blog is turning into a tabloid)

An open letter to Don Feder:

2005-09-21T12:32:00.000-07:00

Hey Asshole (http://www.grasstopsusa.com/091405.html), I just read your thoughts on hurricane Katrina and how it relates to your agenda (which you call it God’s judgment). You think God is judging New Orleans because of the gay lifestyles there. Now let me ask this question: WHY DO CHRISTIAN THINK THAT BEING GAY IS THE ONLY SIN THAT GOD HATES THESE DAYS? I’ll allow the thought that God was judging America, but let’s change the reason to be caused by a pathetic and unloving “Christian” society. Here is what you said: (oddly enough, this is the same statement that led me to my conclusion) “Katrina hit New Orleans days before the scheduled Southern Decadence – an annual orgy celebrating alternative death-styles, characterized by nudity and public copulation. New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin, welcomed the freak-fest with the following proclamation: “There is no place like this on Earth! Southern Decadence XXXII is an exciting event. We welcome you and know that you can anticipate great food, great music and great times in New Orleans.” Not to mention great sodomy.” Let’s see here, “death-styles” and “freak-fest”; I’m not sure that’s how God wants you to respond in times of crisis (this will be hard for you to hear, but God loves the gays as much as he loves you). Instead of Gay-Bashing, why not try to show them the same love that God showed you... remember, when he saved your soul despite its sinful nature. Thanks for giving the homosexual community another reason to hate Christ and thanks for giving me another reason to hate being associated with Christians, Yours in Christ, Johnpaul Morton P.S. I know it’s hypocritical for me to call you an ass-hole and then rip you for calling the gays names; when my hurricane comes I'll be sure to take full responsiblity.

Hurricane Katrina is God's Punishment

2005-09-21T09:35:00.000-07:00

You new it would happen. Pastor Don Feder is claiming Hurricane Katrina is God's judgement on America for its sin. I tend to think the hurricane was God's judgement on America for failing TO FORTIFY THE LEVY'S. But what do I know.

15 MINUTE PRAYER CARD

2005-09-19T13:42:00.000-07:00

A lot of people seem to think that Catalyst and I have it out for PF and CBC. This simply is not the case. Recently, I came across a 15 minute prayer card for Pastor Frank & Sharon Damazio. I would like to share it with you incase any of you would like to add 15 more minutes to your daily walk with God. For the record I have not changed or edited any of these requests; I am simply posting them as they were written. - Pray for Pastor Frank and Sharon to have continued spiritual and physical strength. - Pray for God’s favor to rest on the Damazio family: - Pray for God’s wisdom to help us grow and manage our two campuses. Pray for the new simulcast model we are using as we continue to improve and enlarge. - Pray for continued breakthrough in the area of miracles and healings. - Pray for spiritual impartation in the areas of serving, evangelism, and worship. - Pray for God’s wisdom as we take PBC to a new level with new strategies. - Pray for a new level of release and recognition for women leaders within our church. - Pray for the spirit of reformation to rest upon our church as we face culture wars. - Pray for our church to enlarge our multi-ethnic and multi-cultural growth. - Pray for a continual open heavens in our corporate church services. - Pray for the tithe to increase 15 percent along with missions and Forward Together increases.

Just when you thought marriage was safe

2005-09-18T16:54:00.000-07:00

Good god ladies and gentlemen, It has come to my attention, thanks to an email from an old friend at the Oregon Family Council, that the sanctity of marriage is once again under attack. Is it those pesky gays again? Wanting to destroy my marriage by making another commitment that only heterosexuals should make? No. Thank god. This time the gays are building a casino. I know, I know, why do the gays want a casino? Well, I don’t know, but since the OFC is emailing about it the gays must have something to do with it, right? I guess it doesn’t really matter, if theOFC says vote no then I’m voting no. (As long as Marc Estes approves, I always copy his ballot anyway). Here is what the email said: 3 Reasons to oppose the Gorge Casino Proposal. 1. Bad Precedent. Allowing Oregon’s first off-reservation casino at Cascade Locks sets a bad precedent and opens the door to even more casinos closer to Oregon's cities and neighborhoods. 2. Risk to Families. Building a 500,000 square foot casino only 45 minutes from Portland, a population of over 1 million Oregonians, will place Oregon families, marriages and children at a greater risk than ever before. (Visit our website for more information on gambling.) 3. 63% Oppose. According to a recent statewide poll, 63% of Oregonians oppose the Gorge Casino and 71% believe approving it will lead to more casinos off reservation lands. Yes, you read it right. OFC thinks the casino will place Oregon marriages at a greater risk than ever before. But I wonder? Will marriage really be at a greater risk than when the gays were destroying it? ‘Cause from what I remember, that the greatest risk of all time. How could anything be any greater then gay marriage? (I know, Christian affairs, but we sweep those under the rug so our cell group leaders can go on sinning without the shame). Are these really the 3 best reasons to oppose the casino? Just because the "defense of marriage" worked once doesn’t mean you should use that as an excuse for everything. Think this through people, dig around, you’ll find better reasons. For the record, I'm against building a casino in the gorge. Here are my 3 reasons you should oppose it too: 1. Casino's are trashy 2. The gorge is beautiful 3. Trashy Casino + Beautiful Gorge = Trashy Gorge. Thats just my opionion, for more info visit http://oregonfamilycouncil.org/. Read their link on gambling; it really is entertaining.

New Urbanism

2005-09-15T10:13:00.000-07:00

A relatively new blog in Portland called Portland Transport, has linked to a Religion News Service article that discusses a new movement in church planning. The movement is called "New Urbanism" and revolves around the concept of creating smaller more urban churches. Randy Frazee, a pastor at Willow Creek Community Church, discusses this concept. (side note: The article describes Willow Creek as a trend-setting Illinois megachurch attended by more than 20,000 people. ...I'd love to know what trends this church is setting. If it involves a Christian re-enactment of the movie Willow... I AM THERE! You could have christian dwarfs and christian ogres... it would be great... I'm rambling, but I think I'm onto something here). Anyway, here's Mr. Frazee: Frazee says there's a "movement brewing" where Christians are striving to capture the values of New Urbanism because of an urgent need. Frazee compared mega-churches to castles surrounded by moats. A few times a year the drawbridge is lowered to let people in, where they become a subculture separate from the outside world. They become so involved in church life that they are not involved in their neighborhoods, he said. "You have to disengage from your community to be involved in the church," Frazee said, describing the problem. "Now the church has become irrelevant to the community." ....hmmm ....this reminds me of another church I know...

Hurricane Relief

2005-09-09T12:49:00.000-07:00

Up until now City Business Church has done nothing but talk about the problems, but now were tired of all the talk. We want to do be just like many other churches who have offered their help for relief efforts. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A DONATION FOR HURRICANE RELIEF EFFORTS PLEASE CLICK HERE: https://donate.msn.com/pages/accountinfo.aspx. There now we are up to par.

Kudos

2005-09-09T06:56:00.000-07:00

I slam churches all the time for their failure to act or their lack of compassion. Thus, I feel I should also offer praise where it is due. There is an article in the NYTimes discussing how churches thoughout the US are opening their doors to evacuees. Its good to see.

Now I know they're mocking me.

2005-09-08T11:32:00.000-07:00

I hate to think that I'm anything special, or that City Bible cares even the slightest about this blog. But check out this new event, and tell me they aren't mocking me. Event: The Catalyst Sessions Description: God has called each one of us to be involved in areas of ministry that build His Kingdom. The Catalyst Sessions offer a variety of different training opportunities for areas of ministry. Contact: Brad Quirie@ 503.255.2224 Location: 217 Campus Start Time: 9:00am End Time: 3:30pm Click on www.citybiblechurch.org and then look at the Upcoming Events in the upper left hand corner.

Kanye

2005-09-08T06:13:00.000-07:00

I know I'm late getting to this topic, but I figure I'll blog my thoughts now. About a week ago, Kanye West went on an NBC Katrina Fundraiser and blasted Bush. His final remarks before the producers cut him off were, "George Bush doesn't care about black people." I remember hearing Kanye's statement and thinking, "I don't agree with that. But I understand." And if you were watching the pictures of throngs of black people left alone at the Convention Center and Superdome, it was hard not to wonder why the help was taking so long. And whether race played a factor. Anyway, I appreciate that Kanye spoke up, and so last week I went out and bought his album. Fox News was reporting that his comments were going to hurt his album sales, so I figured I'd do my best to support him. Anyway, guess who's album is #1 this week.

Quick Question

2005-09-06T09:08:00.000-07:00

If Wal Mart can get food and water into New Orleans to help the survivors? If Jesse Jackson can get buses into the city to evacuate the needy? Then where was Pat Robertson, James Dobson, Joel Osteen, and the million other evangelicals who claim to own the moral high ground? Maybe morality is more than just keeping bad language and sex off of TV screens. Maybe morality involves helping the poor and needy. Evangelicals elected President Bush on his Compassionate Conservative platform. I see the Conservative, now I'm just waiting for the compassion.

Tragic

2005-09-04T10:10:00.000-07:00

Its not often I cry while watching Meet the Press, but this clip really moved me. Its only a couple of minutes, but please watch the whole thing. http://www.overspun.com/video/MTP.AaronBroussard.wmv

Verse of the Week

2005-09-04T06:39:00.000-07:00

Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. - Matthew 24:40

Blame the Victim?

2005-09-02T06:24:00.000-07:00

Chris Snethen another local Portland blogger covering the disaster in New Orelans linked to this CNN article. In the article, the FEMA director explains why the residents in New Orleans need to share some responsibility for their horrendous conditions. Here is what he said specifically. Michael Brown also agreed with other public officials that the death toll in the city could reach into the thousands. "Unfortunately, that's going to be attributable a lot to people who did not heed the advance warnings," Brown told CNN. "I don't make judgments about why people chose not to leave but, you know, there was a mandatory evacuation of New Orleans," he said. Well, I will make a judgement since I've just spent the last day watching video of the people left behind in New Orleans, I will judge them. Here's why they didn't leave. "THEY WERE TOO POOR AND TOO OLD. THEY COULDN'T LEAVE." I feel like freaking Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting, telling Matt Damon, "It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault."

Bright Side

2005-09-01T05:56:00.000-07:00

Despite my cynicism, people are using craigslist for a positive purpose. Several individuals are offering free housing to Katrina Victims on the new orleans craigslist website. Its cliche, but disasters do bring out the best and worst in people. That link came courtesy of the blog Oh Dog, You Sleuth! Check it out. The blog is written by a native New Orlenean who currently lives in Portland. He has family living in New Orleans. And while he usually posts interesting pictures on his blog, lately he's been sharing his family's evacuation story.

Looting

2005-08-31T12:49:00.000-07:00

Apparently, looting in the city of New Orleans is getting out of hand. Thieves are taking everything from TV's to jewelry. As such, I've been cruising neworleans.craigslist.org looking for some good deals.

Chaos

2005-08-31T06:05:00.000-07:00

I was going to write a post about the New Orleans TV coverage and jokingly ask, "Do any white people live in New Orleans?" And then I read this link: Email attributed to NOLA rescue worker; economics of disaster My friend Ned Sublette passes along an email attributed to a rescue worker in New Orleans. Ned says: The poorest 20% (you can argue with the number -- 10%? 18%? no one knows) of the city was left behind to drown. This was the plan. Forget the sanctimonious bullshit about the bullheaded people who wouldn't leave. The evacuation plan was strictly laissez-faire. It depended on privately owned vehicles, and on having ready cash to fund an evacuation. The planners knew full well that the poor, who in new orleans are overwhelmingly black, wouldn't be able to get out. The resources -- meaning, the political will -- weren't there to get them out. White per capita income in Orleans parish, 2000 census: $31,971. Black per capita: $11,332. Median *household* income in B.W. Cooper (Calliope) Housing Projects, 2000: $13,263.

Katrina

2005-08-30T09:08:00.000-07:00

Is anyone else as fascinated by this storm as me? I have been trying to do work all day, but instead keep refreshing www.wwltv.com instead. Katrina hits the region knocking out all power, destroys a couple of levee's and now the city is slowly filling up with water. It looks like the worst case scenario is actually coming true.

Under the Banner

2005-08-26T03:24:00.000-07:00

I recently read the book Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakeur. The book is a stirring criticique of Fundamental Mormonism, Mormonism and religion in general. Part of the book focuses on Colorado City, Colorado where polygamy is common practice. In this city of several thousand, girls as young as twelve are forced to marry men four times their age, Incest and pedophia are rampant. Sadly, all these acts are committed in the name of God. If a girl resists, the leaders tell them its what God wants. (Before Christians get too sanctimonious, remember that our founding father, Abraham, almost killed his son, because he believed its what God wanted.) For me the most compelling quote in the book came from an excommunicated member of the fundamentalist church in Colorado, named DeLoy. This father of 16 left the church after he realized the leadership was lying. Deloy still lives in Colorado City, but the church leadership is trying to evict him. His life is conflicted, for he continues to love the church, he just no longer believes. Here is his final quote: "If you want to know the truth, I think people within the religion -people who live here in Colorado City- are probably happier, on the whole, than people on the outside.... ....but somethings in life are more important than being happy. Like being free to think for yourself."

Home School Hero, This is for you

2005-08-20T12:54:00.000-07:00

My brother Joel recently showed me this list that he had written. He says "You might be homeschooled if:" but I say it sounds more like "You might be a Morton if:" YOU MIGHT BE HOMESCHOOLED IF: 1. You are over twenty and still dont know your address 2. You have a toy, name it, then make it your imaginary friend. 4. You laugh at sentences containing the word: "Poop" 5. You send in your "good" ideas to ZOOM. 8. You memorize and sing theme songs to afternoon cartoon shows. 9. You have 3 or less friends. 10. You have your mom arrange play-dates for you. 13. You have theatrical plays with your siblings. 16. You thought the word shut-up was going to send you to hell 17. You tried to kill the air with your wiffle bat 18. Your family ever owned a station wagon (wood panelling of course) 20. You don’t ever wear shoes!!! 21. You were ever slightly attracted to your mother. (makes sense shes the only women you ever seen) 22. You breast fead until you were four. 23. You if your seat belt has ever been a bunji cable 24. You ever thought that a night out on the town was you and your mom going to blockbuster 25. You dont know how to spell 26. You are over 15 and still sing the bunny loop song to tie your shoes 28. You ever picketed outside abortion clinics 30. You have ever had a 5 gallon paint bucket for a car seat. 34. You ever thought Jantzen beach was a place to swim 35. You have ever taken fencing lessons 36. You are misteriously obsessed with buried treasure 38. You ever had to memorize a scripture just to eat dinner.

Just Out

2005-08-16T13:31:00.000-07:00

I work for a flooring/countertop store called Surface and recently we decided that the homosexual male was by far the best kind of customer we could have. The typical gay guy has both money and style; 2 key ingredients in a good customer. Because of this we started thinking about advertising in Just Out magazine which is a local gay paper. Some of the people here felt a little conflicted about advertising there because they don’t approve of the lifestyle, but still have no problem working with gay customers. The question was “Does this ad support gays and if so is it wrong?” I skipped right over that question and jumped to a better one “What could our tag line be in the ad?” These are the blog-appropriate ones that I came up with: (F.Y.I. - Our current slogan is THE LAYER BETWEEN HOUSE AND HOME. I think theres a good chance that might get changed) AD Ideas for Just Out Magazine: We help solve husband-husband quarrels. At Surface there’s no He said He said Bullsh*t Surface: The layer between house and Oh my God! We dream about designing Brad Pitt’s house too. Surface: When you’re ready to decorate more than the closet Surface: Our first showroom was a closet. Surface: Sassy, Sexy, and SUPER All gaydar points to Surface (not that there’s anything wrong with that) Surface (Pronounced THURFATHE) Will and Jack have nothing on David and Johnpaul

Interview

2005-08-12T07:33:00.000-07:00

Recently, Pam Hogeweide from http://www.pamhogeweide.blogspot.com/ was asked to write an article about disillusioned Christians for an online publication called Off the Map (http://www.off-the-map.org/). For some reason she seems to think that I would fall into the “disillusioned Christian” category. - I’m not sure why she would think that; I know I’m disillusioned but calling me a Christian was a little low. - Regardless, I agreed to answer a few questions for her. While writing my answers for the questions I found that they really caused me to think and since that is what we are all about here at City Business Church I thought I would post one of the questions for you to consider. What is your perspective on gays and church…just asking…can a homosexual come to Christ, be part of church, and continue to identify themselves as gay believing that God created them that way? What are your views on this and do you have any thoughts about how the church responds to homosexuality and same-sex marriage… Feel free to comment:

Investigative Reporting

2005-08-12T03:53:00.000-07:00

So for those who don't know, I live in Washington DC. And currently in this fair city, there is a scandal brewing over remarks made by a local pastor. Reverand Willie Wilson, pastor of an 8,000 member church, recently made disparaging remarks about homosexuals in a sermon. And in typical homo fashion, the gays got fired up. (At this point, I don't care. Sexuality is a moral issue. As such, the church is free to speak out against it, and the gay community is free to stand up for themselves. I really don't care.) But then I read what Wilson said that got everyone so fired up. Here's his quote. My son in high school last year, trying to go to the prom, he said, ‘Dad, I ain’t got nobody to take to the prom because all the girls in my class are gay. And ain’t but two of them straight and both of them ugly.” —the Rev. Willie F. Wilson, July 3 I'm not sure why the gay people are so angry, really it should be the girls in Wilson's son's highschol class that should be upset. Neverthless, in the vein of Woodward and Bernstien, a local newspaper (DC's version of the Willamette Week) went to Wilson's son's school and interviewed all his classmates, specifically the girls in his class to determine whether the quote was true. Here is a LINK to the article. Producing this nice quote from the principal: Asked whether her school has a particularly high number of gay students, SWW Principal Sheila Mills-Harris can’t say: “I have no idea about their sexual orientation, nor am I concerned about it.” It’s enough of a challenge, she says, “trying to keep a roof over my children’s head that doesn’t allow the rain to come in [and] trying to make connections with universities so I can offer students opportunities.” However, for me, the best part was that some reporter went into a local highschool to check up on gossip. I want that job. That's the greatest job in the world. I would be perfect at it. Interviewing all the students to see whose gay. Finding out whether the girls in the Junior class are cute or ugly. These are things I am excellent at. I will be submitting my resume to the City Paper tomorrow. The other thing of course is that pastors often run fast and loose with the facts when sharing a sermon. And will often say anything to prove their point. Unfortunately, Mr. Wilson got caught. I love it.

Grow. There's More.

2005-08-09T17:22:00.000-07:00

Well, I've been feeling pretty unmotivated lately. But I flipped to the sermons this evening to see who had spoken recently. And what do you know, Marc "Barista" Estes was speaking. This was gonna be a gold mine I knew it. So allow me to briefly recap the sermon. -He begins sermon by apologizing for bringing coffee into the sanctuary. Calls drinking coffee a habit. (No Marc, a habit, is when you read the Bible and Pray every morning. What you have is an addiction.) In the interest of full disclosure, I have a similar addiction. -He then proceeds to tell five or six of the stupidest coffee jokes I have ever heard. Here's one. "Most people wouldn't like my coffee, they would think it was oil. And I proceed to tell them its the Holy Oil of Yashua." (I can't believe I'm saying this, but someone get Frank back up on stage. This guy is bombing.) Of course, As I write this I realize that the one person who probably finds these jokes funny is my father. So maybe its a generational thing. -Marc has dropped the name Starbucks in his sermon 6 times, and it hasn't even been five minutes. I swear they're sponsoring him. Someone check this out. -He is know describing Frank's Starbucks drink and his daughters drink. Its a freaking commercial. He's advertising for Starbucks. Unbelievable! -Now Marc is telling us we need to grow more in Christ. Its a good message. But still kind of sad. He really is a far cry from the guy who came up from Lake Tahoe and ran Operation Portland back in 1995. I would love for 1995 Marc Estes to meet 2005 Marc Estes. -Your habits shape your character. (good point) -He is now describing specific church members and how they dance and clap during worship. He's trying to be funny, but no one is laughing. (It kills me, because Marc used to be edgy. But it appears he has been neutured. Neutured by a desire to be successful. Congratulations, Marc. You sold out.) In closing, let me say his sermon was nice. Nice and boring.

Verse of the week (or last 5 months)

2005-08-08T16:10:00.000-07:00

Romans 10:1-4 Brethren, my heart's desire and my prayer to God for them is for their salvation. 2 For I testify about them that they have a zeal for God, but not in accordance with knowledge. 3 For not knowing about God's righteousness and seeking to establish their own, they did not subject themselves to the righteousness of God. 4 For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to everyone who believes.

Damn Plank

2005-08-05T20:30:00.000-07:00

Tonight I was telling my beautiful wife about the last comment on the blog (she’s not a regular reader) and I told her how I thought it was such a great quote: “I don't believe that any enemy of the church could have possibly done more damage to me and my family than City Bible has. And I think that pisses God off.” Once I got to the “that pisses God off” part, which I thought was the best, she looked at me and said “not any more than you do”. She’s right you know. Clearly I sin and make mistakes and I imagine that I piss God off (the one in heaven, not you Hank, I know you’re pissed); the beautiful thing is that I know he has grace for my mistakes and that he loves me anyway. That’s not an excuse but a wonderful realization that has helped me grow closer to God. If CBC is hurting people, should we not speak out against them? If we do are we doing God’s work or hurting it? I don’t know. It’s that damn plank; gets me every time.

Why? Here's why.

2005-08-04T03:50:00.000-07:00

I am kind of burnt out writing this blog. Its such a narrow subject topic, that I have difficulty coming up with ideas to write about. One commenter mentioned that JP and I are "grasping at straws". And I tend to agree, we are grasping.... ...but so what... Anonymous said: I am a PBC graduate who has just come across this blog. God has answered my prayers!!! Kudos. I have written many a letter and then thrown them away for fear of acting in the "wrong spirit." I am glad that someone, (quite a few of you it seems) has addressed these issues. I look foward to reading more. I don't believe that any enemy of the church could have possibly done more damage to me and my family than City Bible has. And I think that pisses God off.

FOR GOD SO LOVED THE OREGON FAMILY COUNSEL…

2005-08-01T09:52:00.000-07:00

Is anyone here bothered by organized Christianity? Does it seem like were off track a little bit? Has anyone else noticed that we tend to see spiritual health as avoiding only certain sins? And even then they are only sins if they are done in public. I am specifically bothered by the way churches seem to rate your level of Christianity by how well you can resist the following sins: Sex, Drugs, Alcohol, Smoking, and Rock & Roll music. It doesn’t seem to matter if you are a crooked businessman, dishonest teen, gossiping mother, or self-absorbed pastor. As long as you avoid those 5 sins (in public) you are safe. It also bothers me that you get bonus “Christ Points” for being a white, homophobic, republican. I’m still looking for the scripture that says “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosever is born white, straight and conservative should not perish but have everlasting life”

The Whole Story

2005-08-01T08:11:00.000-07:00

I'm editing this post, because it is too long. - Catalyst Dear JP: In response to your request for a reminder on said“ass kicking,” please post the following on the blog to bring everyone up to speed with what you have (understandably) tried so hard to forget. ...yadda, yadda, yadda... I do believe Reformed Pope got his ass kicked that day. And there you have it, the whole unforgettable nineyards. I’ve never mentioned anything about it until now, and now everyone will know the real story behind my forehead scar. But you asked for it. Regards, Cattle List I am reposting this story to keep a promise. If you want to read the full story please click here http://www.citybiblewatchespanol.blogspot.com/ - REFORMED POPE

WORD STUDY

2005-07-31T13:17:00.000-07:00

I would like to study the word AGAIN. Sometimes people on this blog misuse the word AGAIN and I would like to help clarify what it really means. First I will use it in a sentence and then we can disect that sentence and see if we can all come to an agreement on what it means: Here is your sentence: (taken from a comment by Cattle List) "RP, you call me an idiot once more and I'm gonna kick your skinny ass again." Let’s look at the definition of the word AGAIN (from www.dictionary.com) AGAIN: 1. Once more; anew: Try again. 2. To a previous place, position, or state: left home but went back again. 3. Furthermore; moreover: Again, we need to collect more data. 4. On the other hand: She might go, and again she might not. 5. In return; in response: paid him again. As we can all see, the word AGAIN implies doing something that you have done before. In order for this statement to be true, the author would have had to previously kick RP’s ass. I happen to know RP rather well, and he is having a hard time remembering ever having his ass kicked. Maybe what you meant to say was "RP, you call me an idiot once more and I’m gonna push your skinny ass again." Or perhaps "…I’m gonna chase your skinny ass again." I must admit that I have had my "ass" both pushed and chased, but never kicked. Now lets look at another word and sentence: "No, the problem is that you [Cattle List] are an idiot." IDIOT:(also from http://www.dictionary.com/.com) 1. A foolish or stupid person. 2. A person of profound mental retardation having a mental age below three years and generally being unable to learn connected speech or guard against common dangers. I don’t think it is possible to describe you any better than definition #2. It clearly was written with you in mind. In fact I find it so funny that I’m going to write it again: IDIOT: A person of profound mental retardation having a mental age below three years and generally being unable to learn connected speech or guard against common dangers. (Cattle List, it would only be fair for me to let you post a response on the front page of this blog, so if you are interested in telling the "ass kicking" story or simply wanting to have your chance to reply, please email it to me @ mortonjp14@hotmail.com and I will post it for you. I want you to know that we may be harsh, but we are also fair)